So, first five days are over and HE's had a good time so far. I mean there was nothing, and now there is stars in the night sky, moon, sun, oceans, fish in the sea, animals on land and now HE's holding a mound of clay and breathing on it. And Yup, there it is, Man in all his glory, Man.
HE looked at his creation, smiled and said, "I shall call you Kevin, and you are good and shall have dominion over all creatures, but you must never eat from the Tree Of Knowledge."
And Kevin did have dominion over all the creatures, and he was good, but even more than that he was bored. Even though he was nakey, and frolicking in the garden and everything, the boredom was above and beyond. It's not like he could get a good Wifi connection.
And thus the whining began.
And kept going,
And going.
After HE had that mini vacation on day seven, HE took notice of the whining coming from the garden and went to see what the problem was.
"Finally," said Kevin. "I've been yelling for like weeks, and nothing...No answer...Not even a Hi, How ya doing? Or a let's do lunch? No. Nothing. You just leave and go on a holiday."
"First off, Kevin, it hasn't been weeks, it's only been two days. Second, you haven't done anything but whine since you've been down here."
"That's because it's boring. There's nothing to do. I've climbed every tree, eaten all fruit -except that one- and I've dominionned all the animals I care to. There's nothing. I'd leave a one star review on Yelp if I could get a connection."
"Kevin, you are not bored, you are just lonely." And with that HE reached over and pulled out a rib from Kevin's flesh and created Woman. HE looked at his creation and declared it good and said, "I shall call you Karen, and like Kevin you shall have dominion over all animals, but you must not eat from the Tree Of Knowledge."
And with that, Karen and Kevin were left to frolic and dominion in the garden.
But frolicking and dominioning were taking its toll on the couple. And Karen, being Karen always kept an eye on that Tree that we mussn't touch. "And who does HE think HE is," thought Karen. "I am Karen, and I have dominion over all creatures, and I am the Queen of Frolic."
And with that thought, Karen demanded that Kevin round up several items throughout the garden for dinner so that she could be alone to go to that Tree.
Off Kevin went to gather the items, and off Karen went to the Tree. Karen climbed up the tree and took rest on a large branch. She was tempted to grab a fruit, but she was scared, at least a little. That's when she heard the hissing. Soft but unsettling hissing. The hissing seemed to form words which sounded like 'Go ahead, Eat the Fruit'.
"Who's there?" said Karen aloud.
"No one in particular," hissed the serpent. "Just think of me as the Manager, and never settle an issue until you have talked to the Manager no matter who made the rule--Even HIM. So go ahead, EAT the FRUIT. And have Kevin eat the Fruit too. Never settle."
And with that one moment, the world was forever changed. Instead of running blissfully nakey in a lush garden dominioning over all HIS creatures, we are now donning overpriced designer fig leaves. Complaining that Cow Farts are going to overheat the planet. Dissing 5-star hotels because the chocolate mint was skewed a little to the left of center on the pillow. Complaining that the meat didn't fall off the Rib, or that it did fall off the Rib, or complaining that it was real meat in the first place.
Yes in that one conversation, everything changed. Karen and Kevin sported their new fig leaf G-strings and left the garden to do some begatting. Which they did in spades and begat Cain and Abel, but no, there was no murder in this timeline for Cain wasn't Abel.
And there was more begats, and a whole bunch more Karens and Kevins were begatted too.
The world became corrupt, and HE needed to do something about it. So he called upon Noah and told him to build a boat and collect pairs of every animal one male and one female to start anew. HE gave him a picture of all animals that he would need to collect for HE knew that Noah could not know all the animals.
"What are these two animals?" asked Noah.
"Which two?"
"These two really big cat-like animals with the big brown manes."
"Oh, those are Lions."
"Aren't they both Mal...."
"Just collect them."
Then the floods came, and later eased and the boat settled.
And the world started begatting again. A lot.
The Karens and Kevins were at their peak sending negative reviews. Demanding managers intervention. But the world was becoming more corrupt again. But not everywhere, just these two cities which are basically the old world Los Vegas and Reno. And one Karen too many had to complain about the entertainment, so you know HE had to send down one of his agents for recon and flatten the place if needed.
Karen got her way, Again! And Poof the two desert cities were flattened. But the agent did find some good people and they were told to leave the city but not to look back at the destruction that was about to happen.
They left, but Lot's wife, (not a Karen) looked back for she felt empathy for the people that were being destroyed and was turned into a pillar of salt. Lot was in distress and heartbroken, and there was nothing he could do, but he found an Agave cactus and invented Tequila in honor of his wife. Now you know why you need salt with tequila, but when you have one, you end up having a Lot.
Now you know the real story of the Karens and Kevins of the world. And all of their whining and complaining, screaming, and just being Karens, you can now go ahead and thank them for being what they are.
If you are on the receiving end of a K & K tirade, go ahead and get the manager you know what the serpent said. Then go grab some salt and a shot of tequila, Hell have a Lot.
Thanks for Reading
TTFN
Foxxfyrre
