Wednesday, July 12, 2023

Karen and Kevin In the Garden of Eden

 So, first five days are over and HE's had a good time so far. I mean there was nothing, and now there is stars in the night sky, moon, sun, oceans, fish in the sea, animals on land and now HE's holding a mound of clay and breathing on it. And Yup, there it is, Man in all his glory, Man.  

HE looked at his creation, smiled and said, "I shall call you Kevin, and you are good and shall have dominion over all creatures, but you must never eat from the Tree Of Knowledge."

And Kevin did have dominion over all the creatures, and he was good, but even more than that he was bored. Even though he was nakey, and frolicking in the garden and everything, the boredom was above and beyond. It's not like he could get a good Wifi connection. 

And thus the whining began. 

And kept going, 

And going.

After HE had that mini vacation on day seven, HE took notice of the whining coming from the garden and went to see what the problem was. 

"Finally," said Kevin. "I've been yelling for like weeks, and nothing...No answer...Not even a Hi, How ya doing? Or a let's do lunch? No. Nothing. You just leave and go on a holiday."

"First off, Kevin, it hasn't been weeks, it's only been two days. Second, you haven't done anything but whine since you've been down here."

"That's because it's boring. There's nothing to do. I've climbed every tree, eaten all fruit -except that one-  and I've dominionned all the animals I care to. There's nothing. I'd leave a one star review on Yelp if I could get a connection."

"Kevin, you are not bored, you are just lonely." And with that HE reached over and pulled out a rib from Kevin's flesh and created Woman. HE looked at his creation and declared it good and said, "I shall call you Karen, and like Kevin you shall have dominion over all animals, but you must not eat from the Tree Of Knowledge."

And with that, Karen and Kevin were left to frolic and dominion in the garden. 

But frolicking and dominioning were taking its toll on the couple. And Karen, being Karen always kept an eye on that Tree that we mussn't touch. "And who does HE think HE is," thought Karen. "I am Karen, and I have dominion over all creatures, and I am the Queen of Frolic." 

And with that thought, Karen demanded that Kevin round up several items throughout the garden for dinner so that she could be alone to go to that Tree.

Off Kevin went to gather the items, and off Karen went to the Tree.  Karen climbed up the tree and took rest on a large branch. She was tempted to grab a fruit, but she was scared, at least a little. That's when she heard the hissing. Soft but unsettling hissing. The hissing seemed to form words which sounded like 'Go ahead, Eat the Fruit'.

 "Who's there?" said Karen aloud.

"No one in particular," hissed the serpent. "Just think of me as the Manager, and never settle an issue  until you have talked to the Manager no matter who made the rule--Even HIM. So go ahead, EAT the FRUIT. And have Kevin eat the Fruit too. Never settle." 

And with that one moment, the world was forever changed. Instead of running blissfully nakey in a lush garden dominioning over all HIS creatures, we are now donning overpriced designer fig leaves. Complaining that Cow Farts are going to overheat the planet. Dissing 5-star hotels because the chocolate mint was skewed a little to the left of center on the pillow. Complaining that the meat didn't fall off the Rib, or that it did fall off the Rib, or complaining that it was real meat in the first place. 

Yes in that one conversation, everything changed. Karen and Kevin sported their new fig leaf G-strings and left the garden to do some begatting. Which they did in spades and begat Cain and Abel, but no, there was no murder in this timeline for Cain wasn't Abel. 

And there was more begats, and a whole bunch more Karens and Kevins were begatted too.

The world became corrupt, and HE needed to do something about it. So he called upon Noah and told him to build a boat and collect pairs of every animal one male and one female to start anew. HE gave him a picture of all animals that he would need to collect for HE knew that Noah could not know all the animals. 

"What are these two animals?" asked Noah.

"Which two?"

"These two really big cat-like animals with the big brown manes."

"Oh, those are Lions."

"Aren't they both Mal...."

"Just collect them."

Then the floods came, and later eased and the boat settled. 

And the world started begatting again. A lot.

The Karens and Kevins were at their peak sending negative reviews. Demanding managers intervention. But the world was becoming more corrupt again. But not everywhere, just these two cities which are basically the old world Los Vegas and Reno. And one Karen too many had to complain about the entertainment, so you know HE had to send down one of his agents for recon and flatten the place if needed. 

Karen got her way, Again! And Poof the two desert cities were flattened. But the agent did find some good people and they were told to leave the city but not to look back at the destruction that was about to happen. 

They left, but Lot's wife, (not a Karen) looked back for she felt empathy for the people that were being destroyed and was turned into a pillar of salt. Lot was in distress and heartbroken, and there was nothing he could do, but he found an Agave cactus and invented Tequila in honor of his wife. Now you know why you need salt with tequila, but when you have one, you end up having a Lot.

Now you know the real story of the Karens and Kevins of the world. And all of their whining and complaining, screaming, and just being Karens, you can now go ahead and thank them for being what they are. 

If you are on the receiving end of  a K & K tirade, go ahead and get the manager you know what the serpent said. Then go grab some salt and a shot of tequila, Hell have a Lot.

Thanks for Reading




Thursday, May 16, 2019

The Wizard of Oz, or d'Oro t'Hy-Gale heh wuh Yar-khush Kahr

The Wizard of Oz

Yes, it's a classic book and later a classic movie starring a very young Judy Garland, but you haven't experienced it until you've read and/or seen it in the original Vulcan.

d'Oro t'Hy-Gale heh wuh Yar-khush Kahr

The Vulcan book is titled "d'Oro t'Hy-Gale heh wuh Yar-khush Kahr." The best translation for us Earthers would be "d'Oro t'Hy-Gale and the Emerald City."

The Vulcan's also have a movie version of the book, although only us Earthers would call it a movie. The Vulcan's prefer to describe it as a visual essay on the benefits of logic to overcome even the most dire of situations. The only copies of the Vulcan's video essay can be viewed at the Katric Arc, or at the Vulcan Science Academy. (Unless you are a subscriber to the Kelvin Timeline, then you know that these have been lost forever).

Similar to the Terran version of the story, the original follows the adventures and pitfalls of a young Vulcan girl name d'Oro t'Hy-Gale who is abruptly ripped from the security of her family home, not by a tornado, but by a quantum string anomaly and emerges in a very strange land. Her emergence from the string, also killed a denizen of the land and immediately causes an uproar. Her only comfort upon emergence was that her pet Sehlat named t'Oto was also caught in the anomaly.

d'Oro, although very young, was trained and excelled in the Vulcan disciplines of logic, but logic may not be enough for d'Oro, because she is nearing the onset of her first Pon Farr.

The locals realize that d"Oro needs help in getting home and advise her to follow the yellow brick road to Emerald City to find the Wizard, an omnipotent being that is the only one able to assist her in traversing the anomaly to get home.

On her way, she meets many strange characters, some helpful, some hindering, but she will need every bit of her logical will that is rapidly waning under pressures of Pon Farr to overcome the vengeful wrath of the Pulaski, who blames d'Oro for the willful killing of her sister upon d'Oro's emergence from the quantum string.

The Original Cast

Of the Vulcan Video Essay - d'Oro t'Hy-Gale heh wuh Yar-khush Kahr

d'Oro t'Hy-Gale

t'Oto, d'Oro's pet sehlat

Auntie Em and Uncle h'Enry
The Pulaski - d'Oro's Nemisis
This character is believed to be the inspiration for the Wicked Witch of the West  in L. Frank Baum's  version.

The Munchkins: 
Foreground The Mayor, Background, The Solicitor
Believed to be the basis for the Good Witch of the North, the Wicked Witch of the West's other sibling
The Tin Man
The Scarecrow
The Cowardly Gorn

The Masseuse:
An expert in Vulcan acupressure massage, The Tin Man recruits her services to help d'Oro, for her Pon Farr is getting more intense and he believes that her skills in acupressure may reduce the severity of d'Oro's mating urges. (Who says that the Tin Man doesn't have a heart)

The Capitalists
The Capitalists were a constant hindrance to d'Oro in her quest to find the Wizard in order to get home. They are the ultimate scam artists and would appear in hoards to steal yellow bricks to press in counterfeit Latinum, thus altering the path that d'Oro has been set on to find the Wizard. The Capitalists became the winged monkeys in the Baum version.
The Bartenders (Left: d'Ozzie, Right, Foxxfyrre)
They are the Bartenders at the t'Atooine Cantina in Emerald City. The acupressure sessions with the masseuse did not help to reduce the pressures of d'Oro's Pon Farr. d'Oro and her entourage ended up at the Cantina on a fancy dress themed night. Willing to do anything to end the suffering of her Pon Farr, d'Oro comes to the logical conclusion and takes matters into her own hands and 'cures' her Pon Farr with the eager help of these two 'stooges'. 
You guessed it--The Wizard
d'Oro t'Hy-Gale heh wuh Yar-khush Kahr is the finest example of Vulcan literature and the movie-or should I say Visual Essay- is a masterpiece. Emotional, heart-wrenching, humorous, at times horrifying, and at times sexy to near risque, are not terms that one would normally associate with Vulcans.  

To the Vulcans, it is revered as a teaching tool to instruct their children in the benefits of logic over emotion, but to the rest of the galaxy it's an epic. And us illogical Terran's would not have our beloved Wizard of Oz without it.

Hope you enjoyed my Star Trek Wizard of Oz Mash-up
Just having a little bit of fun with my nerdiness :)

Foxxfyrre aka Frank Sirianni

Sunday, May 01, 2016

Two Great Jump-Scare Horror Short Films

Two very creepy jump-scare horror short films

When it comes to movies on the big screen, horror films are probably my favorite, followed by Sci-fi and epic fantasy movies. Lately, I've been doing a lot of viewing on YouTube for film in the same genres. I'm becoming a big fan of these short films. 

The quality of many of the short films are amazing. Animated shorts can be just as spectacular as their big screen feature length big brothers. Many of the Science Fiction shorts are not only smart and tell a good story in a short time frame, but are really well done. For horror short films, many are quick jump scares that are quite similar in style. Other horror shorts really can tell a creepy or gruesome story in just a few minutes. And of course, some are just laughable. The two shorts below are wonderful quick horror movies that I would not say are laughable. 


Vicious is an award winning short horror film that packs a lot of tension into just a few minutes. I don't like spoiler alerts, but I did title this post with the words jump-scare, and yes, Vicious delivers.
 Vicious; Award winning short horror film

That's Not Me

The next horror short is called. That's Not Me. It is much shorter than Vicious, but I found it quite creepy. Let's just say that the woman-demon-ghoul-or-what-ever-it-was nailed the part.
 That's Not Me
Hope you enjoy these short horror films as much a I did. 


Frank aka Foxxfyrre

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