Thursday, April 01, 2010

By Order of the Queen

Foxxfyrre's Second Attemp at

The Queen's Tuesday Meme #31

Sometimes silly.
Sometimes serious.
Always fun!
Step out of the box.
Be creative.
Use your imagination.
No one's answers are quite like yours

People are always giving advice on what NOT to do in this situation and that situation. I’ve had it with the know-it-alls this week. I’ve switched it up.
It’s your turn to be the expert. Answer what NOT to do in the following situations. t’s your spin on potential societal blunders (and a few quirky scenarios you might find yourself in). You didn't think I'd leave my quirk home now did ya?
Have at it.

What NOT To do when you’re…..

1. On a first date

Invite her to a Star Trek Marathon even if it does feature the new remastered original series on your 52 inch home theatre. If you do, your date will be over at warp speed.

2. Intoxicated

Never ever ask for another hit at Communion, and then complain to the Bartender that the crackers are stale. This is doubly important at Midnight Mass.

3. In the shower

Stick your big toe in the shower drain just to see where the water is going. Normally you would probably never even think of this, but once you've headed out for that great night out during the holidays and feeling a little giddier than usual, and then feeling a little ticked off that you were asked to leave that weird night club that serves terrible wine and stale crackers (see #2), and then you finally make it home and you think a good shower will make you feel better. It is then that you will think of sticking your toe in the shower drain. And I'll tell ya, it's not easy, and quite embarrassing, to stand there in all your glory on Christmas Eve while a plumber (who was called by the EMT's, who were in turn called by the neighbours below you because of the blood curdling screams they heard coming from the apartment above them) just to get your toe out of the drain.

4. At your ex’s wedding

Swap out their wedding slide show with holiday home movies, especially of that Christmas.

5. In jail

Don't even try to tell the toe stuck in the shower story. For one, they will never believe you, and your twisting and writhing to illustrate how you tried to remove your stuck toe will get misinterpreted and a party will break out. You know how bad jail house parties can turn out.

6. Being stalked

Don't invite him/her in during the holidays. Because sure enough you will both hit it off and have a good time. Someone will get the idea to go for a pub crawl. You will eventually get kicked out of that bar by that strangely dressed bartender. You'll both get really ticked off at what just happened, and then you'll end up going home together. Still ticked off, either one of you will want to get cleaned up before the fun stuff happens to finish off the evening. And, sure enough, either one of you will get the big idea to find out where the water goes while in the shower--And BAM!--It's 1984 all over again.

7. Stuck to an igloo

It can only happen if you try to French an Eskimo Kiss. So keep your tongue to yourself and you will never have to be pried off your house.

8. In sewing class

Try to get bonus points by passing your self off as a Pre-Med Student trying to perfect your No Scar suturing technique.

9. Asleep in a helium balloon

Heck, I'd say go for it and have fun. But, first I'd check to make sure there is no showers in the luxury cabins--you just never know.

10. At a birthday party for twins

Get them both hopped up on bread and wine. That way you'll know that you have a 50-50 chance that at least one of them will have their big toe stuck in the shower when you are ready!

11. On a nude beach

Anyywhere else in the world, I'd say yeah invest in one, but for some reason they just don't make it at a nude beach. Invest if you want to, but you'll be bust in a year.

12. At the opera

Get the score of your favourite opera in English so you can sing along to your family so they can understand what is going on. Operaoke? Why not bring culture to the masses? RFA (that's LOL in Italian)

13. you’re falling in love

Don't listen to anyone's advice. Not the best friend, not the teacher, not the grocery store clerk, not the bartender, not the Momma, and not the Poppa. Everyone's experience is unique and can't be compared to anyone else's. The only thing you should listen to is your

Sure, it may hurt. It may ache. It may fell like it's going to burst out of your chest. But listen to it, for it still knows best.

14. Low on gasoline in a bad part of town

Don't ask anyone for directions to the nearest night club. Even though St. Patrick's sounded like a cool Irish pub, it wasn't. I mean the bartenders have no sense of haha and will only give you a sip. Heck they won't even change glasses between customers. The menu was way too limited. And that group karaoke thing didn't work for me. But I did like that money basket thing they were passing around, for the extra change came in real handy.

15. Having a baby

Don't ever promise your wife that the next one won't hurt as much. Nuf said (it still hurts)

16. On fire

Don't worry, it may feel like this is going to happen, but just ride it out you won't regret it even if you've made a mistake. (See question 8)
But I did say don't listen to anyone and that includes moi.

17. Lost at the mall
Sorry, I've been a mall rat all my life and I can't imagine anyone getting lost in one--except maybe a toddler. On the other hand, if your mall does a midnight madness sale for Christmas Eve, I would suggest not using the mall as a short cut home after hitting that bar. Mall security won't listen to you about why you got kicked out of that bar with the pointy roof just down the street. But at least you made enough change from that basket thingy they were passing around at that bar that you can take transit to get all the way home. I'll worry about the car later.

18. At a single’s dance

Don't bring a same sex friend that you think is less cooler than you are just to try to look better and hook up with someone easier. Everyone will be able to tell that you used a dategoat and you will end up the wall flower for the evening.

19. Riding a bike on the Jersey Turnpike
I'll have to leave this one alone cuz it's out of my realm of opinion giving. Never been there, never done that.

20. Driving your significant other’s car
How do you think I ended up on the bad side of town low on gas in the first place. I don't drive, so I had no idea how much gas there was in it.

21. Being robbed at gunpoint
Don't laugh or act crazy to weird the gun-toter out. Acting crazier then, and laughing at a school bully is one strategy to get away from the bully, but a bully usually doesn't carry an instrument of death that you can't out run.

22. Kissing
Never miss a day--ever. It goes hand in hand with saying I love you and meaning it.

23. Paying the hotel cashier

Don't try this, just don't. Even if you justify that you have enough of these to buy any classy hotel in Atlantic City and you would hire him/her on the spot for being so diligent on their job -- just dont try it. And I wouldn't try leaving any as a tip for the cashier neither. I know, just say I know....

24. Buying lingerie
Don't ever buy what you think she will want and what you think she will look good in. Don't be shy and ask the clerk for help. Too many men just have no clue in the lingerie store and become silly teenagers buying their first box of Trojans from the local drug store.

25. Commenting on a blog
Don't spam, market, flame, hate monger, racially attack, or say anything that you know is intentionally meant to hurt the blogger or other commenter's feelings. The old adage applies, if you can't say anything nice don't say anything.
Otherwise, by all means contribute. Be honest, factual, funny, opinionated, or even ask for help or clarification on the post, or even correct the blogger for errors in the post. All of these types of comments are really appreciated by the blogger and their readers. Oh, and profanity is not necessary for effect in comments.

26. In Mimi’s dungeon

Don't ever give out the secret floor plans to the dungeon. Mimi still hasn't found out about our Friday Night Poker games and I'd like to keep it that way. And don't forget to toss Homer a Scooby snack or he will rat on us too.

That's it for Mimi's Don't Ever Meme
It was fun, but I am not looking forward to my next confession.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...