Monday, October 04, 2010

Dear Diary: Episode 2

Dear Diary


Episode II
A Fictional Real-time Collaboration By Foxxfyrre and Mr. Lance Using Google Docs

Remember the old dairies that we kept all to ourselves when we were young? We kept it hidden. It had its own lock and key, but it could be picked by any hairpin. We would be beside ourselves if one of our siblings or -- god forbid -- parents were to find it and read it. Then in later years, some of us progressed this process into journals. Even blogs were designed to be an online journal that we could all keep, and even share.
What if that diary that we all spilled our guts into had a mind of its own?
What if the diary commented on everything that the writer entered?
What if everyone could read the diaries comments except the writer of the diary?
What if the diary knew everything about the writer, every secret, every heartbreak, everything?
Thanks to Google Docs Collaborative Editing Technology, Mr. Lance and I are going to show the “What ifs” as I, Foxxfyrre, play the Diary Writer, and Mr. Lance plays The Diary.
The Diary Writer will be in normal text, and The Diary will be in coloured text. The Diary will also provide all of the images for the post as a visual for its comments.
Oh, and I forgot one what if. What if the diary was a little bit of a smart ass?

Sept 20, 2010
Dear Diary,

Had that stupid dream again last night. Duh! The one where I’m a Black jack dealer, What? Dry spell... no poker these days?? and all the cards are in binary code, so there is no card that has any number higher than 1 on it. Every player just does not understand that 111 is a 7, 100 is a 4, and 1010 is a ten. A 21 is 10101. Zzz is 011110100111101001111010 !! One player was sooo mad at me that he held up his right hand and threw me a 4 (when counting on your hand in binary, the middle finger straight up is a 4) I just don’t get why this dream haunts me, so what if I took computer science in university. You also took Business Arts, Creative Writing, as well as Sexology and Mixology... you could be having better dreams! 

My day went pretty unnoticed even by me, for the most part. You are  the General Manager - you were noticed!  Usually it’s get up, go to work, get ignored by the majority, go home, watch some TV, dapple with some python programming, youtube a little, and then call it a night. You  left something out, but I will let it go this time... Perhaps some type of self massage....

At least that’s what usually happens.

Went to work as usual this morning, and for the day of the week I hate the most -- Monday, but most importantly, a payroll Monday. I hate payroll. I don’t know why I hate it. I should enjoy it, because it makes my day go so fast. You get to give away thousands of bucks every other Monday... I know you enjoy it.  Nothing but paperwork for at least six hours solid, but it never goes easy that way. 

Today went different, payroll went like a breeze, and then about 3:30 pm I got a call to the front desk. The call was for a guest that needed assistance. The assistance she needed was an interview for a position within the hotel. I granted the interview, for I was getting really tired of pumping numbers, and then she showed up a few minutes after the clerk called her back. My mouth dropped, and I don’t know why. Yes, she was a looker, but not a knee dropper. There was something else. Ok, What was her cup size? I know your a “C” Man, so that can’t be it!
Now here is my dilemma, usually I can size a person up right from the start, but this girl, I could not size up in any way. Yes she was personable, yes she has the qualifications (more likely over qualified), and yes I will check her references.

Just from a first instinct perspective, do I not hire her, because I could not size her up, or should I hire her and take the ridicule if she ef’s up on the job? Even after asking all the usual 40 questions worth of “Hiring a Successful Recruit,” still left me feeling like this woman is an enigma. But I do like puzzles!

Got into a math mode after work, which is unusual for a payroll Monday, but the girl left me wanting to solve puzzles. You could have just googled her cup size... you can almost google any one's cup size these days!  I started playing with circumferences, and  me asking why Pythagoras used PI as the method for solving circles. Then I discovered that you cannot make a Pie with a radius of 69 for any flavor of pie. If you needed to find out how many pieces that you would need, you would need to calculate the square root of the radius at some point. The square root of 69 roughly calculates to 8 something. A pie that says you 8 something before you ate it, wow. Really, use a calculator and check. The square root of Sixty Nine is Ate Something!.  
Remember a few weeks ago you wrote about this Lady you talked to in the lobby,  She would just not understand that The square root of Sixty Nine is Ate Something!  Then when she got it, she was as red as an apple... oh good times...

Or is that eight? Homonyms really confuse me sometimes.  I like seventy-seven! (you get ate more! or is that 8? )  I crack myself up...

Watching the first episode of Hawaii 50. No Baywatch re-runs today? It’s good so far, but why is Daniel Dae Kim who? readily speaking fluent English, still on a beach, Yunjim Kim who? comes out of the water in a bikini, or was that Sun Kwon, <-- Caution: Hottie!! I know the way you think.


but he doesn’t seem LOST? He must have recently found himself... And it was the same beach, I think?  I need the little heroine-addicted-Aussie-guitar-playing-dude to give me some perspective. My head hurts.  Need another sit down with your David Hasselhoff poster do you?

Thanks for playing.
This post was brought to you by two men who obviously have way too much time on their hands. And
By the cool cats at Silicon Valley
(You know, the place that makes all the computer memory chips...and wine.)
And finally
by the word (term)

As an aside, I have bee submitting words and definitions to Urban dictionary, just for the hell of it.

I tried Myriam (the official word guy), and he just stated that, “These definitions will only be accepted once used commonplace by the peoples, and furthermore, the epistemomology of said term must must be accompanied by bona fide research deeming the term as, at least, a colloquialism that is accepted for the term. Savoir-faire is prerequisite  for inclusion.”  So, I figured enough of that, and submitted my term to Urban Dictionary, which they promptly accepted. For every post that I do now, I will submit a term to Urban dictionary so that each post can be brought to you by a new word!

Just so you don’t have to click out to see this new term, I’ll include the definition here:
Term: POETS Club:
An acronym for Piss On Everything Tomorrow's Saturday Club.
Avid "Thank God It's Friday" partakers (TGIFers) will announce their membership with the POETS Club to signify that they are on a no-holds-barred-party-to-the-max Friday.
Bob, the entire office is getting together Friday night at Charlie's Bar at 8. The Lindeman Twins are going to be there too. It's POETS Club all the way--You in?

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