Sunday, September 24, 2006

Off Topic, I've been tagged

Barten-hic-der I'-hic-ll have an-hic-oth-hicc-other!

(Just about ready)

Reality File:
(will post for episode 5)
Real Communications: Really!
Start of Email......

To Mugs,
Subject: You've been tagged

Wow Mugs, I've been tagged twice on the same day, by Reeholio, and Peanut.
Hmm, I'm going to have difficulty tagging bloggers for this meme, since all of my new
blog friends have already completed it. So I'll complete this mission a little differently.

Mugs, my friend and confidant. You've been tagged. Just answer the questions and I'll post it here by email as usual. (Mugs doesn't run a blog)

Tagging Inn Space: Dursten Sha'wtz, Buz'zee Magswell, Chef Fol'liquel y'Sparse, Chef Rosy Mi'Kwaken, Tolby: The (ex) Bellman

Guys, just answer using your FYI pods, I'll have to reverse-engineer your responces to make it Blog ready. I'll add your responces under mine on this post.

1. One book that changed your life - hardest question first.

Frank: That's an easy one! The New Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain, by Dr. Betty Edwards. If it wasn't for this book, I don't think I would be blogging at all. I probably wouldn't have continued drawing, due to getting discouraged with my drawing skills not improving or some such reason. Then I would have had nothing that I would have wanted to save, let alone share.

Dursten Sha'wtz: Well, do poems count. When I was a young physics student, I was searching through some Mother archives and found a poem entitled E=mc2 by Peter J. Oszmann. I really liked it because Einstien was a favorite Mother scientist of mine. Even now we still have to study classic Physics.
Buz'zee Magswell: Well that would have to be Tales From The Crypt.
As a cave dweller it hit's close to home and provides a certain security for me knowing that we all have a dark side.
Chef Fol'liquel y'Sparse:
Chef Rosy Mi'Kwaken
Tolby The (ex) Bellman: Yeah, I liked that old magazine Heavy Metal I found a copy in Mother Archives. I liked the art and stories. I even named my scoot jumper Den. It got me through puberty. They don't make anything like it anymore. I wish they never had to leave Mother and scatter us in the collonies.

2. One book that you've read more than once.
Frank: Stephen King's The Stand.I don't really know why, but I find something different in it every time I read it. Normally, when I read a book, and have to put it away for some reason, I'll have to go back some pages or even a chapter to refresh myself. If it has been too long, I'll even start the book over. The first time I read The Stand, I did have to put it away. When I picked it up some weeks later, I just turned to the book-marked page, and continued right where I left off. It was like I never put it down. I knew what every character was doing, remembered their names even. I've never had a book do that to me.

Dursten Sha'wtz: Hands down, it has to be the Chariots of the Gods, by Erich von Daniken. There was a sense of hope to it in its day, that something, or someone was out here that showed our ancestors technologies that they could not have accomplished themselves at the time. I think that's why I was so hellbound in developing the Tachion Drive. As a people, we've been away from Mother for over three hundred years. We haven't found anyone yet. There's still a chance that we might still find someone, some culture out here other than our own. And if we do find someone, maybe we will be their teachers and the 'Gods' of their future legends. Even now, we still haven't completely figured out the Antikythera mechanism, so maybe there is a chance, and it could still go either way.

Buz'zee Magswell: The Joy of sex, of course, cause I just can't imagine people being that flexible and athletic while having sex,,, even when you turn the pictures upside down or side way's, some of it's gotta be hell.
Chef Fol'liquel y'Sparse:
Chef Rosy Mi'Kwaken
Tolby The (ex) Bellman: I have one very old issue of Playboy Magazine. I really like the jokes. It helped me with puberty more...

3. One book that you'd want on a desert island.
Frank: The Talisman, by Stephen King and Peter Straub. I read this on a Greyhound trip from Grande Prairie to Vancouver. The book was a hoot, and it really passed the time well. If a book could keep me busy enough to forget to look at the wonderful views of the Rocky Mountains, I think it would keep me mentally diverted on a dessert island.

Dursten Sha'wtz: I think the Gran' Nebulae is as close to a desert island that you can get around here, and I just happen to have the book with me, The Celestine Prophecy An Adventure, by James Redfield. Coincidence--I think not.
Buz'zee Magswell: No contest, I want Shell Busey.. It's just that easy.Volume 4
I can build a shelter and know how to handle a spongy floor all in 1 book.
Chef Fol'liquel y'Sparse:
Chef Rosy Mi'Kwaken
Tolby The (ex) Bellman: I'd have to bring my classic issue of Playboy Magazine. It might help with puberty again. I like the jokes.

4. One book that made you laugh.

Frank: I really can't remember the name of it, but it was a book by Ben Wicks. (I googled it and I'm sure it was entitled More Losers). Anyway, it was a compilation of short true 'mis-happenings' of peoples demise, or stupid injuries that would occur, or stupid predicaments people would get themselves in. An example is the poor soul who was struck many, many times by lightning, which finally did kill him. After his death, his tombstone was also struck by lightning--twice! The way Ben put this book together and illustrated it was just pure fun.

Dursten Sha'wtz: There's a book that's been floating around the Gran' Nebulae. It's very old and heavily dog-eared. It's called Waiters from Hell, Customers from Other Planets, by Michael Sabourin. It's purely an anecdotal collection of service nightmares. It's just fun. I think the Gran' Nebulae uses it as an unofficial training manual.
Buz'zee Magswell: Charlotte's Web, they made us read it in junior high and to this day I still don't know why.
Chef Fol'liquel y'Sparse:
Chef Rosy Mi'Kwaken
Tolby The (ex) Bellman: The Cat in the Hat, by Dr. Suess. I don't know what a cat is or why wearing a hat was a big deal, but it cleaned up the house when it finished. I was always in trouble when I didn't put my stuff away. It was fun. I want a cat in a hat, and that's that. Unless I'm going through puberty again, don't need a cat then.

5. One book that made you cry.

Frank: This is the hard question, but I'd have to say Mary Shelly's Frankenstein. I know that sounds weird, but I am a big fan of old horror movies, and love Boris Karloff. Of course, I saw the movie many years before I read the book, but the book really is emotionally charged. I wish now that Hollywood would have been more true to the book for Boris's role (he is my favorite horror actor). I visualize how he would have played the role and feel that he would have gotten to the heart of the book through his performance. Boris touched on some of this in the scene with the old blind man, and the scene with the little girl.

Dursten Sha'wtz: There's more than one, but I'd have to say Old Yeller, by Fred Gipson, and Lassie Come Home by Eric M. Knight. I'm a real sucker for dog books. Dogs, and later cats, all developed a virus that was incurable a few years after our ancestors arrived to form the colonies. Other animals faired well after the trip and thrived. I think that's why these stories get to me.
Buz'zee Magswell: Phantom of the Opera, of course, it was so sad.
Chef Fol'liquel y'Sparse:
Chef Rosy Mi'Kwaken
Tolby The (ex) Bellman: My classic issue of Playboy Magazine. I thought I lost it a couple of years ago. I like the jokes.

6. One book that you wish you had written.
Frank: The Illiad or the Oddesy, by Homer. Just because.

Dursten Sha'wtz: The Divine Comedy, by Dante Alighieri. Ditto Frank!

Buz'zee Magswell: Easy choice,, How to be a millionare.. can you imagine the money that guy made by grabbing onto other people's greed ! How to become a millionare ? Write a book on how to. Brilliant.
Chef Fol'liquel y'Sparse:
Chef Rosy Mi'Kwaken
Tolby The (ex) Bellman: The Tragical history of Doctor Faustus, by Christopher Marlowe, because I know I could trick Mephistopheles, and I would be with Mel'lonza, I'd have my scoot jumper back, and I wouldn't have needed that muscle graft thingy. I'd also have more Playboys, and I would have a cat in a hat to clean house after me.

7. One book you wish had never been written.
Frank: Willian Petter Blatty's The Exorcist. I've never had nightmares from a book before. And yes, I saw the movie when it first came out, but it didn't bother me too much (Well a little. I am the same age as Linda Blair. I kept convincing myself, it would only happen to girls, just so it wouldn't bother me). However, it became my favorite pure horror movie (as I got older), but the book still just makes my mind wander way too much. Eerie.

Dursten Sha'wtz: None that I can think of. But I can think of many 'terrible' vid adaptions of some of my favorite books. I really like to watch the vid first, then follow by reading the book. Most people like to do it the other way, but I find that a good vid adaption followed by reading it gets you more in tune with what characters are thinking. It seems to enhance my whole expeirence this way. I don't think I've seen a good vid adaption of a bad book.
Buz'zee Magswell: The Bible.. Strange of course, the biggest fairy tale ever written, but millions were and are to this day still reading over and over again, and it effect's there every day lives and they can't think for themselves anymore. (Note: Please don't flame Frank for this one. he really didn't write for Buz'zee's Answers)
Chef Fol'liquel y'Sparse:
Chef Rosy Mi'Kwaken
Tolby The (ex) Bellman: Four Rooms with Quenten Tarentino. I don't know if it is a book, but they showed me the vid when I started at the Gran' Nebula and said it was a training manual for Bellman. Huh, I worked there for quite a while and I never got to do it with any Wiccas...I never got to do it at all. Being a bellman didn't help with puberty.

8. One book that you are reading at the moment.
Frank: A friend, who is an avid collector of almost everything, gave me two very old books he had collected. First is Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities, published in England by T. Nelson and Sons in 1903, and Florence L. Barclay's, The Rosary, published In New York by Grossat and Dunlap in 1910. I've just started reading the Rosary.

Dursten Sha'wtz: None at the moment, unless you can consider Que'nesh Eba's, Riot Act, er I mean, Duty List. It's a tome in its own right. (I hope she doesn't read this).
Buz'zee Magswell: No time to read a book in publication, I have to keep up with the on going tale of Inn Space.
Chef Fol'liquel y'Sparse:
Chef Rosy Mi'Kwaken
Tolby The (ex) Bellman: I'm re-reading my Heavy Metal, and My Playboy issues. I need to see if it will help my calf muscle graft thingy surgery. Hoping it will be like puberty again. Have to wait six weeks though. Maybe I'll go watch Four rooms again, maybe I missed something.

9. One book that you've been meaning to read.
Frank: Fahrenheit 451, by Ray Bradbury. First, because I am a Bradbury fan. I have seen the movie, which I did enjoy, but Bradbury stated he didn't like the movie version, so I've just got to read 'his' story.

Dursten Sha'wtz: Paradise Lost, by John Milton. I didn't have time in formal studies to read any of Milton's epic. Paradise Lost was always refered to in some way or another, but was not part of the formal curriculum. Hopefully this new career at the Gran' Nebulae, will allow for some down time to read it.
Buz'zee Magswell: Holy Blood/Holy Grail
I read the Davinci Code and am now really curious as to how it all started.
Chef Fol'liquel y'Sparse:
Chef Rosy Mi'Kwaken
Tolby The (ex) Bellman: The book addaption of the screenplay I'Robot The illustrated Screenplay, written by Harlan Ellison in collaboration with Isaac Asimov. I like robots, and there's some cool ones in Heavy Metal too. Some robots helped them get through puberty too.

10. Tag five others that you’d like to do this meme...
See above for my "tags"

End of Email One

Email Two:
subject: Answers from Buz'zee

Hi Dursten
These are the answers of that tag thingy you were talking about. You're sure getting nosy in your old age! :)

----Clipped Rosy's (ie. Buzzee Magswell's) answers to main body of meme

Buz'zee Magswell signing off...
Meeting in the cave at approx. 10:00 P.M. The coffe will be on!

bfn Mugs

End of Email
My Vents

---Not much, other than work is getting too damn busy.
Notes to Readers

---Thanks for the tags Rhys, and Peanut. I really had fun with this meme. I have completed the meme as myself, Dursten and Tolby. I have emailed Mugs, Our Executive Chef, and our Dining Room Chef to tag them with this, but they really do not blog--yet. When I get their emails, I will put their answers under their appropriate character names. If they don't participate, I'll add their answers myself!! And I might not be to choosy, tee hee.
Thanks Bobby Griffin for the Re-run at Bestest Blog yesturday. Tried to have this post ready after I recieved your email, but got called into work.
TTFN Mugs!

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Inn Space Episode 5

Barten-hic-der I'-hic-ll have an-hic-oth-hicc-other!

(in edit still--sorry)


Reality File

----When I first started working at the hotel, the main desk had an unusual occupant that always hung around. It seemed like a very weird place to hang a taxidermied buffalo head. It was very out of place and did not fit any of the decore of the hotel. Years later, the main lobby was renovated, and the buffalo head was moved, but to everyones disbelief, it was re-hung over the reception area of our dining room. The reason they felt they could not dispose of the head is that we are major supporters of the local bison association, and host many of their functions within the hotel. So there it hung, for many more years. It did become a mascot, per se, and I affectionately called her Mommalo. One night, about five months ago, Mugs and I decided to finally put Mommalo to rest--without permission of course. Mugs emailed me later that evening, and I responded (see emails below). The reason I've posted these emails, is later the following day, Mugs mentioned that I should start "writing this shit down, before you forget about it." As I stated in earlier posts, Mugs and I have been playing this email tag for quite a while, and this little email story actually gave me the idea of writing Inn Space just so I wouldn't forget some of the funny 'shit' that's happened over the years. I couldn't see a way to make this fit into the Inn Space fiction, but I felt it needed to be shared.
Rest in Peace Mommalo.

Real Communications: Really!

Subject: Mommalo is gone!!!!!

What has happened, great white leader ? have you vanished off the face of the earth ??? I will not see you tonite I took the day off ! Ha! So there, I will teach you to put sauser's on my lamp's !
No one noticed the missing buffalo ! Show's how much they care........................
Do let me know if you are alive and well.

Subject: Re: Mommalo is gone!!!!!
Hi Mugs
No, I'm still here Mugs. I've just been a little bust to email you lately, but here's the real story of Mommalo's demise.

The weird tale of the 'Bashed in head buffalo jump'

Yup, that's the story. When given the third degree from Que'nesh on
where Mommalo went, I had no choice but to cough up
the truth. You see, 35 Cree Braves riding pinto's
bareback stormed through the lobby, and through the
kitchen, down the cafe waitress line, and eventually
into th'Province Eatery which they thought was southern Alberta
because of the dark browns and reds, and the pink wild
Alberta roses on the flat tableau messas. Noticing
Mommalo gaurding the entrance to their sacred plains,
they immediately dismounted disrobed and danced in the
buff for their high buffalo spirit guide. Dancing up a
frenzy, the shaman called a halt and prepared a fire
in which to honour Mommalo. Their spirit quest had
begun. Pulling out the ritual pipe and pungent herbs,
they smoked and ate dried pyote buttons. Chanting what
sounded like mumbles, one young brave rose up yelling,
"The hunt has begun!" and ran towards Mommalo and took
her off the wall then mounted her on the back of his
pinto and rode off. The rest immediatley mounted their
ford pintos and rode off ky-yeeing after the young

Curious, I chased after them, through the lobby, out
the back porch, passed the drive-thru, and all the way
up to the third floor of the parkade. Then an
astonishing thing happened, the brave with Mommalo in
tow, jumped over the girdding and vanished as mist on a
cool night when the sun starts to rise. Still disrobed, the rest of the hunting party dropped to the ground almost in full prostrate. A
lightning bolt flashed, thunder pounded, and it
started to rain, but only on the prostrate braves.
Chanting what sounded like "Bless this bounty, we will
feast well this moon", the braves and pintos slowly

After relating this incident to 'The Powers That Be', I
was told directly that the story was nothing but
I said, "Tell me about it I got 6 bags out of the
lobby alone."

Moral of the story: Never have a bison special during
a full moon!!!

Tee hee

Nah no one noticed anything, Mugs



Notes To Readers
----Convention season has started, damn! This tends to be a very busy time for me at the hotel. So please bear with me. Posting may be a little sporatic, but I'l l continuing to add to Inn Space fiction. Episode 5 is almost ready, and will have it posted shortly.
See ya!


Saturday, September 02, 2006

Inn Space Episode 4

Bimbos, Braids, and a Bird

Dursten woke up with a start. Another nightmare. The same nightmare he’s been plagued with since the fall of the commonwealth. All the running, all the hiding, all the dodging of Lehs’tr’s thugs, or what they are officially named, The Peoples Patrol, had taken its toll on Dursten. Dursten just laid quiet unsure of his surroundings. Dursten hated this feeling of being startled awake, but in a strange way it was like an old overprotective friend. Many times the nightmares woke him just in time to move on and find another place to hide for the Patrol was just minutes from finding him. “An old friend indeed,” Dursten thought. A friend that he wished he hadn’t found the need to make its acquaintance. He just hated the feeling of the electric shock that jolts you awake, and that immediate feeling of dementia that clouds over you until you start to recognize your surroundings. When you are on the run, you don’t have time to let the dementia subside. You just run. If nightmares about running to and from nowhere being chased by unknown terrors, was the worst leftover of the past few years, he felt he could live with it. It kept him sharp, it kept him alive.

He just laid rigid, peering over his room. He realized that it was the first time, in what seemed like countless months, that he slept in a bed. The same bed, and within the same room for longer than one night. Never mind three consecutive nights. Even though, he could hardly resist the urge to get up and run. To move on. To find a safer place.

Dursten decided that enough was enough and got out of bed. He had noticed that the time was only 10:45 am, but didn’t feel the least bit tired for only being asleep since a quarter to six. Dursten thought that maybe going for breakfast, and stretching his legs a little, might make this uneasy feeling pass, and maybe catch a couple more hours of sleep before he has to go to work. “If I can’t feel safe here there’s no place that will be,” Dursten thought trying to shake off his uneasiness. As he was getting dressed, he noticed that there were three messages waiting for him on the hotel com pad. The first message was from Buz’zee:

“Dursten. Just letting you know that I will be in tonight. Tolby and Mel’lonza are going to pull through. Mel’lonza’s injuries weren’t as severe as they thought at first, but Tolby is not so lucky. The explosion did some not so nice damage. I mean that his...well...his....thingy....his penis was severed in the explosion. He was in surgery all night. They grafted part of his calf muscle to make him a new one. He is now in cosmetic surgery to make it look, well...natural.
Well, see you tonight, it is supposed to be busy. Don‘t forget, we‘ll also have to train the new bellman. Que‘nesh said that there will be one starting tonight. See ya.”

Dursten paused not sure what he had just heard and replayed the message. “Calf muscle?” Dursten thought smiling to himself, “Jesus, they can do anything these days.”

Dursten played the next two messages. One was just a hotel advertisement for the Dining room to try their Bison Wellington which is on special all this week. Dursten wasn’t sure, but thought it was Rosy’s voice that was doing the add. The next message was from Que’nesh Eba telling Dursten that she would like him to be in her office prior to starting his shift.

Dursten finished getting dressed and went to the cafe for something to eat then walked around the hotel until he started to feel tired, and then returned to his room to try to nap until he had to meet with Quen’esh. The uneasy feeling he woke up with had subsided and felt he was able to nap easily.

Dursten woke, nightmare and nervousness free, and headed down to the office to meet with Que’nesh. Upon entering the office, he was greeted by her executive secretary, Gw’endell, who told him that she was busy with a client, but to wait because Que’nesh was expecting him. About fifteen minutes later, Que’nesh and her client came out of her office, and Que’nesh motioned to Dursten to enter and have a seat. This was Dursten’s first meeting with Que’nesh, and now he felt that nervousness come all over him again.

“I received your report on the fire alarm from last night,” Que’nesh said almost matter-of-factly. “I just wanted you to know that I felt you handled the situation quite well.”

“Thank you,” Dursten replied.

“Also, I just wanted to welcome you to our team. Teph’lon and Buz’zee seem quite impressed and confident that you will do well with us. So don’t let them down,” she said with a hint of smile on her face. “We’ve been having a lot of staff turn-over since the fall of the commonwealth. People just don’t seem confident or safe enough to stay in one place while Lehs’tr is at the helm, so to speak. I know you’ve also had a tough time since the fall, I’m hoping that this wont be a continued problem for you.”

“I don’t think so,” Dursten said apprehensively. “I haven’t felt this secure in one place in a long time. I’m hoping it stays that way, I’m tired of all the running.”

“Shouldn’t have to worry about running from here. I am not an advocate of Lehs’tr’s, but I have enough influence with the acting council that he does leave this sector and my Hotel alone. Tonight we have a new bellman starting, I want you and Buz’zee to go through the motions with him. I don’t want another nit wit running free around the hotel. This is a list of duties that I have prepared for you, please look them over. I also want you to report to the office at the start of your work week. A working schedule is also within the duty list I have prepared. Any questions?”

“No, I don’t think so.”

“Good, well, I will see you Tuesday afternoon 4:30 sharp,” Que’nesh said and shook hands with Dursten as he left the office.

“That was easier than I thought it would be,” Dursten almost mumbled aloud as he made his way to the cafe before signing in at the desk for his shift. Dursten poured himself a coffee and went towards the staff table so he could read the duty list that Que’nesh had given him. Dursten read the entire duty list and thought to himself that it all seemed to be pretty common sense stuff, most of which, Buz’zee and Teph had stepped him through anyway.

“So, I see Que’nesh has given you the riot act,” Teph said laughing and pointing to the duty list as he stood over the table, but his silent approach almost startled Dursten.

“Yeah, I guess so,” Dursten replied.

“That’s what we call the duty list, if you have a head on your shoulders, she wouldn’t even need to waste the paper it’s printed on.”

“Seems, pretty common sense,” Dursten said.

“Yes it is, but Que’nesh always has to do things by the book,” Teph said just as Buz’zee approached the table pointing at the list.

“Riot act, riot act, I just knew she wouldn’t forget,” Buz’zee said almost in fits of giggles.

“Am I not in on a joke here?” Dursten said to both.

“Yeah, yours is bigger. I think Que’nesh adds to it when she gets a new manager on staff,” Buz’zee said “If you leave now Dursten, I think she’d have a new duty list the size of a Mother Encyclopaedia.”

Now all were laughing, but Dursten was thinking that some of it was at his expense so he felt he needed to change the subject. “Did Tolby’s calfallus take?” Dursten asked Buz’zee.

“His what?” Teph asked.

“You know, Mugs, Tolby’s calf muscle penis graft. Did it take?” Dursten repeated, but burst into laughter. Teph still had a puzzled look on his face.

“Didn’t get your messages this morning did you Teph?” Buz’zee said.

“No, I never thought to check today, so what’s Dursten talking about.

“You know about the accident with Tolby and Mel’lonza, don’t you Teph?”

“Yes, Que’nesh told me this morning that there was an accident, but didn‘t say much more than that”

“Well, brace yourself for this,” Buz’zee said with a wide-mouthed grin on her face, and proceeded to fill Teph in on all the details, which took Buz’zee a few minutes to tell because of the constant interruption of Dursten’s laughter, and Buz’zee’s need to laugh.

After the laughter was over, there was that uncomfortable silence that falls over a group just waiting for one of the people with the shit-eating-grin-on-their-face to either change the subject completely, or add insult to injury by adding one more comment on the subject which would start a new series of laughter. Dursten knew that it if it needed one more comment, he might as well get the credit, “Do you think that they’ll change the name in anatomy books from calf muscle to Bull Muscle. It’ll only make sense now if they did.” Teph choked on a mouthful of coffee, Buz’zee dropped her head into her hands shaking it back and forth in a motion of no, and Dursten bolted up from the table laughing, and made his way to the desk to start his shift.

Dursten checked in at the desk and asked if the new bellman had arrived yet. The desk clerk handed him the duty keys and hotel handset and told him that the bellman was sitting in the foyer waiting for Dursten. Dursten walked over to him and introduced himself. The bellman introduced himself as Mack’enzy Bruce. Dursten asked him to come with him because he and Buz’zee would be showing him his duties for the night. Dursten, Buz’zee, and Mack’enzy spent the next couple of hours going over all of the bellman’s routines when Dursten got a call on the handset to go to the Honk’n’Holl’r immediately. Dursten left Buz’zee and Mack’enzy and made his way into the Honk’n’Holl’r. As he walked in the bartender, Dim’pl Bumm, waved at Dursten to come over to her. “Do you see the lady with the long blond braids sitting in the top section?” Dim’pl asked.

“Yes, what’s up with her?”

“I’m not quite sure,” replied Dim’pl. “She’s been sitting there quite a while, just acting kind of weird, I just want you to keep an eye on her.”

“Okay. Has she had a lot to drink?”

“No. She’s only had two since I’ve been on, and the day shift girl said she had just come in about a half hour before I started. Just watch for a few minutes, she‘s really acting weird.”

Dursten sat at the end of the bar and watched the lady, but trying not to make her uncomfortable by staring in her direction. He noticed that she would whistle little toots and chirps, and talk to herself every couple of minutes. He noticed that she had two bags with her. One large one, and one funny looking triangular bag that was quite long. It looked like hundreds of multicoloured tacos standing upright. Dursten thought it was a just a new type of designer purse, but, if it was a purse, it was the ugliest purse he had ever seen. Dursten thought the lady also looked quite odd and out of place. She was in her late thirties or early forties, but her hairstyle was quite unusual for her age. She had very tight blond, almost white, braids, hundreds of braids, that seemed to be unwinding and dishevelled. Also in her hair was many coloured feathers. The feathers weren’t part of a hat, rather they just seemed to be placed at random throughout the hair. The lady stood up, grabbed the triangular bag and proceeded to the bathroom, but on her way, she stopped at every table and said something to the people that were sitting there. Dursten’s first thought was that she was trying to panhandle the guests, but as she got close to Dursten, he heard her say to one guest, “Do you want to see my bird?” Dursten now thought the she was trying to solicit herself, but before he got up to stop her, she made her way into the bathroom. Dursten waited at the bar for her to come out, and if she wasn’t out in a short time he would page Buz’zee to come and help get her out of the bathroom. But he waited a few more minutes for her and she came out on her own, but Dursten almost fell out of his chair when he saw her. She exited the bathroom with a very large Macaw parrot on her head. He thought it was just a novelty hat, but it wasn’t it was a real parrot. She stopped at every table she had stopped at on the way to the bathroom, but was now yelling “This is my bird you fuck, why did you say you didn’t want to see him? You’re all assholes. My bird is a nice bird you fucks.”

After Dursten got over the initial what-the-fuck-is-this-all-about, he made his way to her table, which she was now sitting at yelling at everyone about her nice bird. “Get away from me you fuck,” she said as Dursten approached her.

“Excuse me, ma’am, but you are going to have to put your bird away, and leave the premises. You are disturbing all the guests in here.” Dursten said politely and over-smiling at such an unusual sight, for the parrot was crawling all over her head and picking out what seemed to be seeds in her hair.

“I’m not going fucking anywhere you douche fuck, get away from me.”

“Ma’am, if you don’t pack it up and leave, I’m going to have to call authorities.”

“Fuckin’ call ‘em, lumpy nuts, fuckin’ call ‘em, I’m not leavin’. I hate all you fuckin’ men. Don’t look at my bird asshole, I wont let you.”

Dursten decided to pull back and call for authorities, for he knew he would not get her out nicely on his own. She seemed to spiteful towards men, any man, for him to be able to evict her. As he pulled back from the table, he used his handset to call for authorities, but he noticed that all the people in the bar had turned their chairs to get a better look at the spectacle that was unfolding before them. And a spectacle it was becoming. She now had a small bowl of bird feed on her table, and was tossing and patting it on her head while the parrot just crawled freely all over her and gently pecked at the seeds that she was tossing. After a few minutes, a police guard arrived. Dursten met him at the entrance and explained what was going on, although he was quite nervous to see a member of the People’s Patrol. The guard made no acknowledgement of Dursten’s wanted status, and just simply proceeded towards the lady and the bird.

The guard tried to talk to the lady, and get her to comply with leaving, but she got more verbally hostile with the guard than she did with Dursten but made no physical resistance towards him. Not losing his composure, the Guard went to reach for the bird because the lady would not put it back in its triangular bag. She started to scream, and cry that he was hurting the bird. Many of the patrons in the Honk’n’Holl’r were now either outright laughing, or teasing the guard with comments like, “Isn’t that bird brutality,” or, “Someone call a vet,” still others said, “Boy this place has gone to the birds.” Dursten grabbed the triangular bag to assist the guard because the bird was now biting him in the hand, and the lady had gotten up and started to slap at the guard for hurting her bird. The bird went in quite easily with two people trying to cage it. The guard turned towards the lady and told her to settle down or he will handcuff her. This seemed to have some effect on the lady, for once the bird was away, she became less aggressive and seemed to want the guard to help her instead of her trying to resist him further. The Guard went through her personal things and found that she had several bottles of prescription medicine in her large bag. The guard managed to get her out of the bar, almost having to carry her, while Dursten assisted the guard by carrying her bags, and the triangular bird cage with bird safely inside. As he put the lady in his patrol vehicle, Dursten tried to thank and apologize to the guard on behalf of the hotel. The guard said laughing, “Don’t worry about it. In all the years I’ve served, I’ve never seen anything like this either. The boys at the base will never let me live this one down after they see my report. The Bird Man of the Gran Nebulae, I can hear all the ribbing now”

Dursten laughed and again thanked the guard for his assistance.

Reality File
---The bird lady, absolutely every word about her description, the bird, the poor embarrassed RCMP officer, and the heckling and lauging from the guests is true. I did find out later that she had just left the hospital earlier in the day and took a double dose of the medication she was prescribed. That, combined with a couple of drinks was enough to send her over the loop. Her husband had contacted us after the incident and thanked us for helping her. He mentioned, but wouldn't go into details, that she does have these type of episodes and she knows she is not supposed to drink on her medication.

Real Correspondences: Really!

subject: Oh Oh!
Dursten, we must have a meeting soon ! As dweller of the cave I cannot handle much more of this influx of stranger's ?
I have also discovered, Oh Prancing One at our main pod area ?? What the hell was that ??? I am getting concerned the place is going squirrel and spinning out of control.
I am sure the queen is behind this.

Also, I need to report that this man has been seen running amuck all over the area with tools and will reportably be hitting our main refreshment area next. They cannot keep changing things without our permission.
We must stop this ASAP.
This man is also rumoured to be our Queen's top council, and does not make any corporate decision's without his input. Where does that leave our top commander Zoot ??
Some thing is amiss and we must get to the bottom of it.

I think trouble is afoot... You must use your investigative powers and get to the bottom of this.
I do not want anyone altering my cave and exposing us to the outside world.
I expect a full report from you on my desk no later than Monday morning,, oh wait, make that evening, I do not crawl in daylight hours,, and I will expect a mug of black refreshment to accompany said report.
As Always.............MUG'S

Re: Subject: Oh OH!

Hi Mugs,
Influx of strangers! My god, it's just loonie. It seems that the revolving door that we use for staff has been put into hyperdrive. Nevermind that, where are we geeting these apprentices from?? Hasn't any of the daydwellers figured out that the back page of a resume comes with numbers to establishments that these invaders have previously conquered or destroyed. Haven't they figured that using an FYI pod will contact that establishment and will provide a rating as to whether they may be appropriate for said position they would like to fill. No, I say. They haven't figured this out. They work on the word of the invaders alone. They work on filling holes. They are pigeon keepers. That's it that's all.
I think that I might put a resume in under a pseudonym with all dots on the I and J, and the crosses on the T. I'm sure that not only will I get hired, but I will be flown in from anywhere, provided with lodging, and fed for a month. And, I will recieve all of this without the courtesy of an initial interview. HMMM, maybe we could go into the resume printing business, I mean look at the perks!!!

On an aside Mugs, with my tours of the blogshpere, I have stumbled on a valuable tool (excuse the pun here). Bloggin through, A world of Yaxlich, and A World of Reeholio, I could not resist using the provided naming service. I was quite surpised by its accuracy. First, I used my real moniker and the naming device returned with:

Me (aka Frank Sirianni)
Your Penis Name Is...

Leaning Tower of Pisa

I was quite proud of the Italian reference and the status that it represents (Frank's spouse emphasized the Leaning part though) I wonder what she means?

Then I thought I'd use my art and surfing identity, and it returned with:
Your Penis Name Is...

One Eyed Wonder Weasel

Again, I was stunned

Then I decided that I would input my character's identity for Inn Space
Dursten Shaw'tz
Your Penis Name Is...

Light Saber
Penis Name Generator

Needless to say, I was pleased that it returned with a reference that was in the Sci-Fi realm...and what a reference :)

Then I decided to try my real alter ego
Velvet Head

Your Penis Name Is...

I'm speechless...

Excuse me, still just a little verclempt
(regaining composure)

Anyway Mugs, we'll see what transpires, I mean it can't get any worse or can it?
And, about our tool guy, if he wants to do anything in the cave, I hope it is for the better. We could use a paint job and more comfortable chairs, yeah right! Que'nesh will approve that, she'll probably turn it into more storage. Then where will we smoke eh?


My Vents
---Staff, just damn staff. We've gone through eight different staff in all of the service departments, including another bellman since my last posting. The bellman job pisses me off because it is the easiest job to train someone to do, but seems to be the hardest position to keep staffed. Maybe I should start making them watch Quinten Tarantino's movie "4 Rooms" and tell the new bellman consider it a training manual because it's always like that.
Notes to Readers
--- Just that, I hope you enjoy this post and sorry about taking so long in posting it ;)
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