Comeback Challenge #12

Yes it's Mimi's Comeback Challenge time again, and Mimi has put an all out call for best commedians in the Blogsphere to try out and test their wit.
Just respond to the Bachelor's profiles listed below and email your responces to Mimi at mimiwrites2005(at)yahoo(dot)com. Please respect Mimi's rules on profanity and inappropriate material for the comebacks. Good luck to all who do participate, it really is a blast to do.

As in my other Comeback challenge posts, I put the bachelor's profiles in red, and my Comebacks in yellow. I also play the bachelor and add an additional reply to my comeback lines, in red. There is also a surprise guest appearance whose responce will be in blue.













1. My best assets are my open mindedness and my belief that everyone is essentially good at heart. Luckily, I have no faults but I do sweat a lot when I dance.

Let me do the math: 'best assets'=no future, + 'no faults'=liar, + 'sweat a lot when I dance'=guilty conscience, therefore just waltz your little tukkas home before I phone the IRS. Don't slip in that pud....Too late.

I wanted a date not an audit!

2. I dont really know what the problem is. I tried the nice guy approach - that hasn't worked. I tried the treat you like dirt approach - that hasn't worked. I tried doing the whole ignoring you thing - that hasn't worked. I watched the movie What Women Want and you apparently still don't get it.

Have you tried the Alien approach and just wait patiently until SETI detects your transmission?

But you were looking at my crotch weren't you? You're doing it again.

3. Hanky Seeks Panky!

Charmin found Ass

You're gettin the right idea.







4. I'm in the dark. Are U afraid of the dark?

I guess the money I spent on this taser was a good investment.

Ooh, and you brought toys too!







5. I am quite accomplished. I invented an equation to measure happiness that multiplies the acres of your land and the number of your trees.

And which tree are you hiding behind, I've seen Deliverance!

Damn city-slickers



6. hi my name is frank and i've been lost for seven years. i lost my love seven years ago and i am thinking that its been time to look for a new love.

Oh thank God you woke me up Lola. I was having this nightmare that I was lost for many years on a deserted island without you, and I was looking....Nevermind

Lola: And I bet she had a nice pair of coconuts too. She did, didn't she....Frank...Wake up!!!

7. Someone Who Is Going To Get Lucky. I'm a leo, a tiger, and was born on the cusp of the 186th and 187th day of the Mayan calendar, which is a death day #4 and a deer day.

And I am a Wicca and this is a pentacle, and this is a cauldron, a little eye of newt, a dash of spider silk, and some snake saliva, and Poof!, you should gracefully disappear.

(Hmm, where did bachelor #7 go? They always have something to say.Eerie!)

8. At first, I wasn't too keen on trying to meet someone this way then I figured this might be a really good way at meeting someone.

And the winner is...Envelope Please...Your first thought. I'm sorry contestant #8 you should have gone with your first thought.

Can I buy a vowel?




9. Looking for a female who shows interest. If any of this interests you drop me a massage!!!

Were you talking to me? You were, you were talking to me.

Well, I peaked someones interest!







10. I would hope the person I could hopefully be with, would be open and honest about herself as I would hopefully be about myself.

Sorry. Mother Teresa died. Even if she didn't, you still wouldn't get any.

So, you're sayin I'll get none...Oh, I get it.

(Subliminal picture alert: Look again at the picure above of the man's profile. Tilt your head to the right. Now how honest is he?)

BONUS BooBoo: My ideal dream date and I would watch spinner dolphins earn their name as your panga slam-bams over glittering seas.

Mairzy doats and dozy doats and liddle lamzy divey, A kiddley divey too, wouldn't you? Translation--Mares eat oats, and Does eat oats, and Little Lambs eat ivy, a Kid'll eat ivy too, wouldn't you. See how easy it is to get your point across when you dont speak jibberish.

Momma sees no bams or slams or thank-you ma'ams and my spinner dolphin aint gettin named tonight.

I have to say that this was a fun challenge, but Mimi was right in her post that these were some bizarre profiles. Bizzare led to probably a little more risque in my responces. I know because I got bleeped for comeback number two (I checked, sorry Mimi), and almost got bleeped for number six too, but I'm blaming that one on Lola (I wont tell her though, because how could I possibly explain that I participate in a Dating Comeback Challenge every week--
Boy! The trouble I get myself into.)

I'll post the winners of this weeks challenge shortly
but

Congratulations to.......

1st Place: SGT DUB ~ Afghanistan

2nd Place: Uncle Artemus

3rd Place tied: Epiphany Alone

Bond from Bond's Big Leather Couch
These were the big winners from last weeks challenge. Click here to see the whole contest.