Sunday, December 03, 2006

Too late for Friday Flash-Again, and Things you've done Meme

Yet again, I'm late as usual for Gale Martin's Friday Flash Fiction. But better late than never. I think that Gale (Gem) has a great idea with this Friday Flash Fiction, just wish it was called Monday Manic Manifest then I might be able to get it in on time. Who invented working for a living anyway? It gets in the way of playing with my blog-friends!

This weeks word that must be used in the story was 'Original'. But seeing that not only am I late, I might as well break the rules and be 'original' too. Yes, I used the word, just differently, and it allowed me to play with some potty humor. Afterall, my imood today is cheeky!

Stand-Up's a Killer
Only you would come up with a line like that” Sabrina said as she looked at Robbie practicing his stand-up routine.

Really, why?” Robbie asked sternly being little put out by her comment. “It’s not just telling jokes you know, people tell jokes, but for comedians it's about stories, timing, misdirecting the audience, and yes, sometimes a little shock value.”

Isn’t it more about being funny? That last bit sure wasn’t”

God Sabrina, what’s wrong with it? ‘Just what I expected dual exhausts,’ isn’t even a vulgar line. You’re usually my best critic, but you’re making it sound like I’m telling Little Johnny Jokes , or worse.”

I’m just saying that the last bit is just toilet trash. Maybe you should put it in a Little Johnny Joke just so people would excuse it for being so incorrect. You will have to include Little Suzy, too, for that line to work. You could piss off the males in the audience as well though. Oh, I forgot, men always find toilet humour funny, especially fart jokes.”

Now come on. Saying that Little Johnny and Little Suzy were sitting in a sandbox playing with their toys, and suddenly Johnny farts and a little poof of sand plumes up behind him. And yada yada yada , Little Suzy lets one go and blows them both out of the sandbox and leaves Little Suzy unconscious just isn’t stand up material.”

And don’t forget that Little Johnny has to get up and look under her dress, or your line looses all of it’s toilet trash glory.”

Little Johnny and Little Suzy eh, mm-m-might be workable. I'll call them Little Franky and Little Lola though, just to be different.”
Things I've Done Meme

I found this Meme on Mimi Lenox's Mimi Writes blog. I thought I'd give it a try for the fun of it.

Things You've Done
Copy, bold the things you’ve done and post. Here are mine:

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins --No, but have been splashed by them.
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive. --No, but every winter Ferrari test drives their cars, and Grande Prairie is on the route from Florida to Alaska. It's kind of cool seeing 20 Ferraris parked outside the Hotel every winter, to test the cars in winter conditions.
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid.--I'm usually not invited to private clubs.
06. Held a tarantula--UH UH Now way
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said “I love you” and meant it
09. Hugged a tree --Iwas drunk at the time and I swear it hugged back
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise--Up here, in the summer, Sunrise and sunset are only a couple of hours apart.
14. Seen the Northern Lights--And they are a beautiful sight.
15. Gone to a huge sports game--But I'm not a big sports fan.
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa--Nope, took the escalater carrying a tower of pizzas though.
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg.
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby’s diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne --Happy New Ye--oops, I can wait
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment--During my wedding vows. Hey, I was 19 at the time, and was always giggly when public speaking.
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse--don't gamble
29. Asked out a stranger--My wife and I never went on a date--really. We just worked togerther.
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse of the moon.
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking--right before I hugged that tree.
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states--Only 46 of the lower 48.
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip--Many Many times
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland--but it's on my list seeing that I'm half Irish
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs--thank God for MP3s
57. Pretended to be a superhero. Every Wedns--oops, Sorry honey
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Played touch football
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater--and in the rain
66. Visited the Great Wall of China--No, but I accidentally pulled all of my mother's china off the wall trying to climb up to get a glass.
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken. Still and always
69. Toured ancient sites--Have you seen my cave?
70. Taken a martial arts class--only from friends
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight--only online versions
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie--No, but I starred as Dead Bernie's (from Weekend at Bernies) Dead brother Ernie for a Venus swimwear competition video that we made for a local bar competition. Dead Ernie was the reporter that interviewed the Venus girls, so, because I had to play dead, it took 4 people to animate me for the interviews.
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on television news programs as an “expert”
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Kissed on the first date--Nope, got married first.
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in Rocky Horror--Went as Dr. Frankenfurter every halloween though
96. Raised children
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour--there was no room on the bus #98 took the last seat.
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking--I wouldn't advise it though. It really upsets the police officers driving.
103. Had plastic surgery--All my surgeries used real flesh.
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds--35 at one point.
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback--oh probably
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Touched a stingray--You mean a vintage corvette don't you
110. Broken someone’s heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat--alligator and ostridge though.
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Touched a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad - and the Odyssey--In highschool, read most of both for assignments.
135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language--written a basic compiler for computing courses
141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care--My wife's father, near the very end.
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you--No I usually give my artwork away.
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head--For Charities for cancer
149. Caused a car accident--when I was five
150. Saved someone’s life


Mimi Lenox said...

Great meme, Frank. #9 especially made me laugh. I knew you were a peace-lovin-tree-hugger all along.
I will proudly place this alongside your book meme in Book Meme Central.

Bond said...

Came over from THE COUCH for the Carnival

Great Meme Frank.....Dead Ernie...bwahahahahahahahha

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