Mimi's Dating Profile Contest Results

I must say that I really don't envy Mimi judging this contest every week. It's really is a fun thing to do, but comedy can be so subjective it is really difficult to say that this one is funnier than that one. Especially with the quality, and humor that this weeks contest contained in their comback lines. Everyone was just great, and I had many giggles throughout the evening.

I've followed last weeks contest format and will award the points as following:

Pink = 3 points The Funniest
Yellow=2 points
Green = 1 point

Blue = Uncontrollable comments by Foxxfyrre

But first Meet the Contestants! Don't forget to visit their sites and leave a congratulatory comment on completing this difficult competition.

They would appreciate it.

Mimi Lenonx Your host and First time contestant
Anndi from http://anndisluggage.blogspot.com
Ian Healy from EDog's Everything's Page
Bud Weiser from WTIT
Lyn from Last Minute Lyn's Life
Spinnerz from http://sp1nners.blogspot.com/
Limey from http://a-limey-in-lime-rock.blogspot.com/
Karen from http://reasonenough.blogspot.com/
Anyhow from http://anyhowblogs.blogspot.com
Uncle Artemus from http://uncleartemus.blogspot.com/
SGT DUB from http://sgtdub.blogspot.com

1. I hate to brag about myself...but since I hate to leave things undone let me give it a try

Uncle Artemus: Trust me, some things are just better left undone.
Anyhow: I understand how you feel. It's kinda hard to brag about yourself when you have nothing to brag about.
Ian: You hate leaving things undone? Here’s a straitjacket. Enjoy.
Lyn: One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people
karen: Quick completion isn’t usually something to brag about for the ladies...
Limey: Button-up, and step away from the mirror.
Sgt. Dub: I hate to tear you down, but since I hate to leave things undone too, let me give it a try.
Bud: Some things are better left un-done.
Spinnerz: I've made the cover of Herpes magazine 3 years running (That will send him running, maybe?)
Anndi: I’m sorry to have to tell you, if it ain’t broke... don’t fix it.
Mimi: Procrastination is your friend.



2. My mom said pick me! I do tricks and flips, do you want to see?

Uncle Artemus: Sorry, my mom said never to date outside of my species
Anyhow: No. My mom said to stay away from circus freaks.
Ian: I ALWAYS listen to what mother says. A boy’s best friend is his mother. She just goes a little mad sometimes. We all go a little mad sometimes. Haven’t you? (I dont know why I found this funny, a little scary, but funny)
Lyn: A mommas boy and a circus geek, two for the price of one, who could
resist that?
karen: This mom of yours...poodle or Chihuahua ?
Limey: No Norman I do not want to see. I generally speed-up as I pass the
'Bates Motel'. (Ian wasn't in the car with you , was he?)
Sgt. Dub: Your mom’s trying to get rid of you too...
Bud: No. Never. Not ever. Are there stronger words that I am forgetting?
Spinnerz: I can lick my eyebrows
Anndi: Depends... do you shed? (There's always an optimist in the house)
Mimi: You're wound a little too tight for me, pixie. You must be a windup boy.

3. I'm nice with a little bit of twang. I love to conversate, explore and manicure a women mentally and physically.

Uncle Artemus: At last! Someone to clip the toenails of my mind.
Anyhow: You would have more luck with women if you try to pay attention to other body parts apart from the nails.
Ian: Idle hands are the devil’s playground. At least this guy’s keeping his busy.
Lyn: That disturbs me more than a little bit.
karen: Sounds like your fingerprints should be on file with the authorities.
Limey: I'm sorry that your twang is small, perhaps you could use it as
mental floss to buff my cerebral cortex?
Sgt. Dub: One more step and I’ll hit you with this taser, it’s got a bit of a twang too.
Bud: That’s quite an unique picture. Nauseating , but unique. (Cheers to that!)
Spinnerz: Can I touch your eyes
Anndi: Oh.. you meant Tang? The astronauts beverage of choice? Tell me, are you wearing a diaper and um.. is that a steel mallet or are you just happy to see me? Take off eh! (Got to love current affairs)
Mimi: Oh please. I'm begging you not to conversate me with your twang.

4. live In Same House As X . .but Were Not Together. Not Into Bs, Games.or Being Hurt. Im Honest . You Must B Too And Faithful

Uncle Artemus: Sorry, I don Speek MORON. so I Dont now wat teh HL U R Taking Uh bout!
Anyhow: The scary thing is I think English IS his 1st language.
Ian: This Guy Obviously Prefers The Tail End Of The Alphabet. Y?
Lyn: I think any woman would think twice before getting in the middle of The
War of the Roses.
karen: ...so now that you and X Are Together, you’re looking for an A? Because you’re Not Into Bs?
Limey: I think you need a porter....... with all that baggage!
Sgt. Dub: Next You’ll Tell Me You Have Your Parents Living With You Too, How Do I Stop Capitalizing Every Word? (This Just Made Me Chuckle, Now I'm Doing It Too)
Bud: Any other baggage? Perhaps from somebody you are not living with? You Must B Moron.
Spinnerz: I live alone but have pictures of you through out my house, on every wall, even in the fridge, I will be faithful to you. YOU BETTER BE FAITHFUL TO ME! I'm sorry I didn't mean to yell.
Anndi: Oh my God.. you cut the letters out of newspapers and magazines didn’t you?
Mimi: You must go A way. (I love puns)

5. to be exact getting kind of bore being the 5th wheel with all my friends looking for someone who likes to go out and have fun as well as stay home

Uncle Artemus: So in other words, I can be equally boring when out with friends or at home with my Star Wars action figures.
Anyhow: Either his keyboard only has the letters a-z and the number 5 or he hasn't passed his basic puncuations test since primary school.
Ian: Well thar’s yer problem: All yer friends are out looking fer someone while yer playin’ on the intarweb. You should be using that time to better yourself, like learning punctuation and basic sentence construction.
Lyn: Its not that your friends are bored with you, they are just exhausted from your run on sentences.
karen: Weren’t you in a Comeback Challenge before? You really need some different friends! (He could have been, his profile was one sentence, but almost 300 words long. I checked)
Limey: You say "5th wheel" but your friends say "FLAT TIRE".
Sgt. Dub: Check out number 6, maybe you can be in an awkward social situation with a snowman.
Bud: I bet your friends were even more bored.
Spinnerz: You must be willing to stay at home and tend to my grandmother locked in the attic. I haven't been able to get up there in the last couple of years and I'm pretty sure she needs something to drink
Anndi: How nice of you to look for someone to take your place in the group. They must be relieved.
Mimi: Do you have a spare?


6. Jeez I dunno.. build a snowman? or how about an entire snowman family, and then making funny voices as we put them in awkward social situations for unsuspecting, but certainly-appreciative, passersby?

Uncle Artemus: Awkward snowman situations eh? So would that be like one snowman getting caught glancing at another snowman's carrot in the snow-mens room? (that isn't where the carrots go)
Anyhow: I got a better idea, how about we tie you up as a snowman and then you can make funny noises as we put you in an awkward social situation for unsuspecting, but certainly-appreciative passersby to throw snowballs at you?
Ian: I think this was posted by mistake. The author, a native of Fargo , North Dakota , obviously meant to post it in a winter fun and games forum.
Lyn: Jeez I dunno..awkward social situations sounds like it would be kinda
awkward.
karen: This actually sounds like fun! How sad is that? (I thought so too, but only after a few beers and a dare)
Limey: How about we build them in the road so that a passing truck can put
them out of their obvious misery?
Sgt. Dub: A dream come true, I’ve always wanted to make funny voices for a snowman family in awkward social situations.
Bud: Are you pitching a date or are you pitching a sitcom? It is ugly either way.
Spinnerz: That's just disgusting. Snowmen never hurt anyone.
Anndi: I feel a sudden urge to move to Tahiti.
Mimi: Not a snowball's chance in hell you're going to make babies with this ad.

7. I work hard so that i may play hard; looking for someone that can keep up : spiritually, mentally and definely physically!

Uncle Artemus: I'm looking for someone who can define the word definitely. I don't think you're going to be able to keep up.
Anyhow: We're definitely not in the same league.
Ian: She doesn’t have to run faster than you; she just has to run faster than her friends.
Lyn: Promise me that you will never use that line on any human person again.
karen: Doesn’t seem like keeping up mentally will be much of a challenge.
Limey: If I'm reading between the lines correctly I'm yours. I'm also a functioning alcoholic.... "spiritually" Tequila shots at 2am.... "mentally" fight off the DTs with a little JD.... "physically" I've had the liver transplant.
Sgt. Dub: You didn’t study hard though, did you?
Bud: You might have to pay for that.
Spinnerz: I can speak igPay atinLay and make out in the back seat of a Gremlin
Anndi: Buy yourself some Nikes
Mimi: I play hard to get. Get it?

8 Hello Ladies, I'm built like a toothpick, but I've started to workout again. I think I just recently found out why I'm single, I own 1-mini van and 1 Safari van. If your still interest I know your're not a gold digger. I can speack English as well as French and I can makeout in French.

Uncle Artemus: Wow, a sloppy tongue kissing stick man with a mini van who can speack English. I absolutely cannot believe you haven't been snatched up yet by a shrill voiced overbearing overweight shrew with a mullet and a '74 Dodge Dart.
Anyhow: Je ne crois pas que je veuille un type maigrichon qui dort dans les fourgonnettes comme mon homme suivant [I do not think that I want a skinny type which sleeps in vans as my following man]
Ian: Dude, you have a van? Can you give us a ride to a Dead concert?
Lyn: Judgmental toothpicks shouldn't stand too close to a French fire, use those utility vehicles to drive on out of here.
karen: Wait...you really think it’s your vans?
Limey: Wow! a cunning linguist. (I do love puns, but naughty, naughty ;) )
Sgt. Dub: Well, if you make out in French like you speack English, own two mini vans, and just found out you’re single, what’s not to like?
Bud: Can you find the exit sil vous plait?
Spinnerz: I can speak igPay atinLay and make out in the back seat of a Gremlin
Anndi: Que? No habla inglés y francés...(but can you makeout in spanish? Sorry couldn't resist)
Mimi: Toothpick - fortunately, I'm very good at removing splinters. Hold still. It won't hurt a bit. (Funny, but ouch!)


9 One of the coolest guys I know!!!! Its true, I was there!

Uncle Artemus: He let me hang out with him while he made out with my girlfriend and dangled me off the water tower by my heels.
Anyhow: Being the coolest guy in all your 3 friends doesn't really entitle you to say that.
Ian: Really? Could you introduce us to him? Because he sounds a lot more interesting than you.
Lyn: I'm so, not there.
karen: No lie! Where? Send me his link!!!!
Limey: I'm thinking you may be the only guy you know, and I'm beginning to get an idea of why you are single.
Sgt. Dub: Did you get his name; I’d like to meet him.
Bud: You & Frosty. Heartwarming.
Spinnerz: So we have met before
Anndi: Guess you should have stayed there.
Mimi: I hope it was a refundable ticket.

10. well this is my frist time doing this. well i would like to tell you i would fly you to a beach and we would walk in the sand to a littel hide away were i would have a romantic candel lite dinner and as we sat down the sun was setting.


Uncle Artemus: And we could frolic and dig random holes in the ground and make tinfoil helmets and toilet paper tube binoculars to scan the evening skies for the return of your alien parents.
Anyhow: You're not going to get very far if you consider having candle light dinner by yourself a romantic affair.
Ian: Sounds like SOMEBODY’s Hooked On Phonics.
Lyn: Little room for spontaneity and not much needed, seems like you took this trip before, all by yourself?
karen: well this is my frist time admitting that my beach fantasy does not include watching you set your dinner on fier and mixing tenses at sunset.
Limey: Well Bill, presumably this adventure is some lobbyist funded junket, or is it coming out of profits made by your large holdings in a private hospital as you re-wrote health care legislation?
Sgt. Dub: Capitalize, punctuate, spell-check....repeat
Bud: Then the big dragon would fly us to a place of merriment and wonder!
Spinnerz: I have a place like that in my basement...come see
Anndi: Pepe? Pepe le pue...is that you? Oh never mind.. I can smell you.
Mimi: Wrong. This is your last time doing this.

And First Place Winner is
Limey from http://a-limey-in-lime-rock.blogspot.com/ with 13 points
and second place goes to
Uncle Artemus from http://uncleartemus.blogspot.com/ with 11 points
with a tie for third between
Ian and Karen with 7 points each
so it's off to the tie breaker for those two

BONUS 11. Irish guy looking for non-mental girl...

Patrick: The stupider the better, I have a hard time finding someone to feel superior to.
Anyhow: How about that little leprechaun girl sitting on the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow?
Ian: Have you MET Irish women? They’re nuts! Can’t say I blame the fellow.
Lyn: I know how you feel, some mornings its just not worth it to chew thru
the leather straps.
karen: Try County General, 3rd Floor East: Lobotomy Wing.
Limey: They never proved those charges.... and his new girlfriend's dog
did run in front of my car....
Sgt. Dub: ...aren’t we all...
Bud: Standards way high. No shot.
Spinnerz: Must enjoy passing out
Anndi: Colin Farrel is that you?
Mimi: Frank - A non-mental girl would have no answer so that's my answer. Hey! It's my game and I can dodge if I want to.

And after much debate
Third place goes to
Ian Healy from EDog's Everything's Page

My thank's to Mimi for letting me
run this weeks Dating Challenge
I hope, Mimi, that you had fun playing as a Contestant

Happy Valentine's Day Everyone!