Monday, February 12, 2007

Courses For Men


Scouring Online dating sites for Mimi's Dating Comeback Challenge, I was left not only in awe by some of the profiles that were written, but felt sorry for the 'nearly functionally illiterate' fellows because most had been in prior relationships. I chose 25 years to 45 years as an age range for the profiles, so most of the men specified that they were divorced or had recently left a long term relationship. Other than the fact that 80% of the profiles I read needed a ghostwriter for their profiles (writing must be as alien to them as a knife and fork), I concluded that maybe they may have stayed married if only they had the proper instruction to maintain a successful relationship. I spent this past weekend, surfing, phoning, emailing, and text messaging to get all the information I would need to assist these men. With some resistance from past professors, and the alumni in general, I was able to get access to various courses that could assist men with their relationships before they are doomed to write their dating profiles..

Relationship Etiquette for Men
All courses designed to assist men with problem areas that may lead to failed relationships, so that
they would never have to embarrass themselves
on Dating Sites.


CLASSES FOR MEN AT THE LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS
REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED by March 31, 2007
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.

Class 1 How to Fill Up the Ice-Cube Trays---Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks: Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM .

Class 2
The Toilet-Paper Roll---Does It Change Itself?
Round-Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks: Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible to Urinate Using the Technique of Lifting the Seat and
Avoiding the Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?---Group Practice.


Meets 4 weeks: Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4 Fundamental Differences Between the Laundry Hamper and the Floor--- Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
After-Dinner Dishes---Can They Levitate and Fly Into the Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.

Meets 4 weeks: Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM

Class 6
Loss of Identity---Losing the Remote to Your Significant Other.
Help-Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks: Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Learning How to Find Things---Starting with Looking in the Right Places
And Not Turning the House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum .
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch---Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful to Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights: Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
Real Men Ask for Directions When Lost---Real-Life Testimonials.

Tuesdays at 6:00 PM --Location to be determined.

Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible to Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks: Saturdays at noon , 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live---Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing .
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM , location to be determined

Class 12
How to Be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation, and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks: Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM .

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy---Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates, and Calling When You're Going to Be Late.
Cerebral Shock-Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.

Three nights: Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
I repeat
Three nights: Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Mark it on your calendar


Class 14
The Stove/Oven--- What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Upon completion of any of the above courses,
diplomas will be issued and sent to your significant other.
Just in case she doesn't believe that you'd make the effort.

1 comment:

gem said...

Lord, this was funny, Frank. You outdid yourself. Can I sign my husband up for #8 and #12? He's actually pretty good with the others. In other words, can he earn partial credit? Let me know!

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