Monday, April 30, 2007

It's a hit!

Leader of the Pack

A few weeks back I mentioned that I was doing the art design for the new dinner theater that just recently opened in our Hotel. Well, with everything going on around me, I still managed to get the design done and the owners of the theater are quite pleased with the results. The play is entitled "Leader of the Pack" and, as the name suggests, it is a musical based on the life of song writer Ellie Greenwich. The show has run for two weeks now and is a sell out.
When they approached me to do the art work, I was a little worried because I usually only work with pencil or charcoal, but they wanted me to work with colour and paint. Well not just any colour either, they wanted the design to work in regular light as well as under black fluorescent lighting. Am I a sucker for punishment? Am I in over my head? The answer is probably yes to both questions, but I also like a challenge. So I accepted.
At center stage, they wanted a painted juke box that would appear to light up when the music came on, and appear colourful but turned off when there was no music just dialog. This was to be done without installing electric lighting effects to the juke box. There was also two round movable stages for dancers that could be moved easily by the dancers. These stages were meant to look like 45 rpm records, and also needed to appear to jump out, or come to life when actors were singing. And lastly, three desk chairs were to be transformed into cars using a backing. These cars were meant to rotate and appear to be driven while under black light conditions.
This is what I came up with for the art design of the stage. The pictures are poor quality because all we had handy to take the pics was Lance's cell phone.

The above pictures are in black light only. For the juke box (center stage entrance) I used regular spray paints, fluorescent spray paints, fluorescent hair spray, industrial tin foil, and real 45's. One of the portable stages is visible to the right. I used fluorescent poster board and many many sharpie markers for the printing of the labels. The cars (chairs) were fun to do. They have a coroplast body and I used tinfoil for the windows and around the headlights. The headlights used fluorescent paint, and I used ashtrays to make the lens for each light.
This is just me having fun on one of the cars. Finally, a car I don't need a license to drive!
The stage under different lighting conditions, and center stage close up.
(We forgot to take a pic with the black lights off to show the regular colouring of the juke box)

The owners really liked the work I put into this project, and they have mentioned that they would like me to do more for next season. They also mentioned that the season finale will be "The Best Little Whore House in Texas". I don't think I'll be designing any glow in the dark condoms though, hmmmm. I wonder.

I say... And you Think...?
My week 2 of week 221

1.Order ::
2.Mortician ::
3.Determine ::
4.Ignore ::
5.Guy ::
6.Train ::
7.Garlic ::
8.Wacky ::
9.Parent ::
10.Burning ::

If you'd like to play along just post your answers in comments, or stop into Unconscious Mutterings to join the meme. Your answers do not have to be a single word, you can add anything.

Last, and most importantly, don't forget Mimi's Blogblast for Peace, June 6th 2007.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

See It 'n' Write It #6 and #5 Submissions


What is it?

See It 'n' Write it is a simple writing promp, but instead of using a word for a promp, I use three images chosen at random as the prompts, and an additional image to inspire an action, setting or mood for the story.

The following images were chosen at random using google image search. I use a random word generator for input to google.

Write a short-short story, poem, article--anything that incorporates all three images while using the fourth as an action or setting or mood for the story.

When completed, just comment or email me a link to the story and I will add it as a post for the next episode of

See It 'n' Write It

And a final action, mood, or setting

Have fun--that's all it's meant for!

Episode Three used the following picture promts

And Bud Weiser from Wtit wrote a hilarious story entitled
Prince of Balls

and a new participant Gabrielle, wrote a Haiku entitled
Lust and Found
And Hmmm
It's my turn to play.
I've written two stories and a play for See It 'n' Write It,
So for the fun of it, lets try a limerick

Don't bet Macaroni on it

There once was a girl name Rennetti
Who loved Discos, Bands, and Spaghetti
One sweaty night, the Lead Singer
Thought, "Easy mark, I can ring-er"

Breakfast alone, cause he didn't get any.

Let me know when you post any See It 'n' Write It episode
and I'll link back to the story.
There is no Deadline for these stories just click on the labels to follow
any episode. I will accept any story for any episode and link it in.

And now for something a little different.
I originally bumped into this word association game (meme) at
Blublood's blog, and he then informed me that it originates
from Unconscious Mutterings. Playing is simple. Below is ten words listed, and my responses are in the comments to this post.
Here is my round one of week 220.

I say...and you think....?
  1. Found ::

  2. Male ::

  3. Spoken ::

  4. Life ::

  5. Tonight ::

  6. Fingernail ::

  7. True ::

  8. Give up ::

  9. Shining ::

  10. Everywhere ::

If you feel like playing along with the word association, just add your entries in comments, or follow the badge below to join the meme.

And last but not least, please don't forget Mimi's Blogblast for Peace June 6th, 2007

Monday, April 23, 2007

Our Chef's name is Mud

If there is one thing that I do hate is when opportunity comes knocking, and yourself, and everyone you worked with that evening fell victim to it. Especially, when the opportunity should never have presented itself. A door left open to a Banquet room that leads to the inner bowels of the workplace, is all the opportunity that a person needed. Even if that person walked into the hotel with no intention to steal anything, opportunity with a capitol 'O', was all the temptation he/she needed to easily grab some goodies. And as luck would have it for this opportunist, all staff that were on duty were too busy to be near any back areas.

The staff bathrooms are located just down a hallway from where the back exit of that banquet room is located. The bathrooms are also staff change rooms and contain staff lockers. Most staff don't even put locks on these doors, for it is a staff only area and we've never had a serious problem with staff going through other's belongings, let alone anyone else.

So, a banquet door gets left open, and an evil opportunist takes advantage of the situation and pilfers through staff washrooms and takes as many personal items that he could from unlocked lockers. And then the discovery, first by a dining room chef that has lost her purse and cell phone. The alert was made to on duty management, mainly Maggie and me. Then the other staff on duty heard of the locker raid and went to check their personal space. And yes, more staff found their lockers had been raided and goods taken. Including mine!

Well, now we do the right thing and phone the RCMP to report this heinous crime of all crimes to try to get relief and justice. Each and every person that had their space violated had to report their missing items to the Officer. While I was compiling my list of 5 dress shirts and a T-shirt, and others were phoning their missing cell phones for a possible worlds dumbest criminal candidate to answer, a revelation came to mind. Our Executive Chef is an email buddy and sends me many many jokes via the net, but he also is aware that I'm an avid computer, well, err, uhmmmm, clears throat, geek. Yes I said it, I'm a non-glasses-wearing-with-scotch-tape-on-nose-bridge, non-pocket-protector-with-eight-pens-with-chewed-ends, non-palm piloted, non-iPodded-pPodded-or-anyPodded, middle aged non-viagra-using (touch wood-tee hee), but nonetheless a COMPUTER GEEK. Knowing this, chef also emails me many programs and/or links to programs for my interests such as art, geography, freeware, and many other things. My revelation, oh yes--focus Frank, Chef sent me an email that stated that you can track the location of your cell phone using GPS technology. This is the email content:

This is unbelievable. You can track anyone via their cell phone by using the "satellite positioning system." Click on the link below, type in the phone number with the area code and click "start search." Check this out! Amazing. If you are a little uncomfortable doing this, call your spouse's cell phone first.

I had logged on to this site when I received the email, but, at the time, I knew where my cell phone was, and I had to log off or I would be late for work---again. I mentioned this site to the Officer thinking that I could finally help and maybe get some sort of resolution happening for all victims involved in that evenings caper. The Officer gave me one of those eyebrow raised you've got to be kidding looks, but that didn't phase me because we all know how technologically behind the Police are. So I asked for Breanne's cell phone number and excused myself to the back offices to log onto my yahoo to find this "crime fighting" web page, or so I thought.
I had found Chef's email, and now I was really excited because the page was loading.

Initially the page asks for a valid cell phone number to start tracking with, which I entered. Waited till the server recognized the cell phone number. Here is a screen shot:

It was accepted, and a satellite map started to scroll, zoom in, and scroll some more, zoom in again, now I'm really getting excited because not only is it working, it seems to be giving decent resolution like Google Earth does, so maybe, just maybe.....Then it happened.
I had to log off I was soooooo mad, sooooooooo embarrassed, and now I had to face the eyebrow-poised-waiting-to-say-I-told-you-so-Officer, and all of the victims that....
.....That, uhmmm.....
......I know....."Sorry guys but the site just has minimal resolution, to get in closer it wants a credit card. I don't want to upload my number here because these servers for the hotel are not secured and they do need authorization from the GM or Accountant to use Credit Card scripts." That was my get out of "falling for stupid" story to save everyone involved from embarrassment, but mostly me.

Everything in this little post is absolutely true, and if you dare
follow this link, to see why I now have named my Chef Mud. And the worst part is, the very next morning Chef had heard about the robbery, and he had heard that I tried to use a GPS cell phone tracking site to solve the crime. If you do click on the link, you'll see how a not so innocent little joke could turn into the most timely of unplanned practical jokes that could ever be pulled on someone.
Chef told everyone and anybody about the best practical joke he never had to pull on anyone.
Mud, I say, his name is Mud!
Seeing that it must be joke day for me (see today's previous post below), I've included a couple of new ones I've received lately from that Mud guy I mentioned above.
I take no responsibility for the content of these jokes, for I am much more gender sensitive than that Mud guy.

Does anybody know how to upload a Power Point Presentation?
Or how to extract images from a Power Point Presentation?
I have a few very good presentations that I'd like to share, but I only have the
Power Point viewer so I can't extract anything from them.
Thanks and have a Great Monday!

I'm soooo goining to that 'warm' and not so cozy place!

Just a little something to brighten your day!
A Nun's Tale

A nun walks into Mother Superior's office and plunks down into a chair. She lets out a sigh heavy with frustration. "What troubles you, Sister?" asks the Mother Superior. "I thought this was the day you spent with your family."

"It was," sighed the Sister. "And I went to play golf with my Brother-Sister. We try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ."

"I seem to recall that," the Mother Superior agreed. "So I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?"

"Far from it," snorted the Sister. "In fact, I even took the Lord's name in vain today!"

"Goodness, Sister!" gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. "You must tell me all about it!"

"Well, we were on the fifth tee...and this hole is a monster, Mother - 460 yard Par 5, with a nasty dogleg right and a hidden green that's surrounded by water...and I hit the drive of my life. I creamed it. The sweetest swing I ever made. And it's flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted..and it hits a bird in mid-flight not 100 yards off the tee!"

"Oh my!" commiserated the Mother. "How unfortunate! But surely that didn't make you blaspheme, Sister!"

"No, that wasn't it," admitted Sister. "While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grab my ball and runs off down the fairway!"

"Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!" sympathized Mother.

"But I didn't, Mother Superior!" sobbed the Sister. "And I was so proud of myself! And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in his paws!"

"So that's when you cursed," said the Mother with a knowing smile.

"Nope, that wasn't it either," cried the Sister, anguished, "because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 6 inches from the cup!"

Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said...
"You missed the f*@king putt, didn't you?"

Friday, April 20, 2007

Ann 'n' Ominus #1

Welcome to the wild and sometimes tactless, sometimes quirky, and sometimes downright rude world of Ann 'n' Ominus. An original cartoon, that Foxxfyrre hopes will become a frequent addition to the Honk'n'Holl'r.

Okay, I have it. I suffer from InOVoCoS aka Inside/Outside Voice Control Syndrome. Sometimes I can keep the two nicely tucked away functioning as they are meant to, but other times that darn inside voice just comes out when least expected.
At work the other night, I was just letting my mind wander, as it usually does, and I was thinking of all the blogs that I've stopped at that have Quotes of the Day posted on them. I was also thinking of how many of them are credited to that prolific speaker Anonymous.
As the night went on, I also started to think about all the marvelous quotes that I hear around the workplace. Keep in mind, I work in a hotel, and most of these quotes come from those that have imbibed throughout their evening. Many of these quotes get zinged by moi, by letting that darn inside voice out (in a funny way), but that also depends on who said it. I may have to filter that inside zinger to a more PG, PC or whatever '&&' Friendly manner that I can. For those that suffer from InoVoCos, this can be quite a strain, but being the ultimate professional that I am (Ha!), I do quite well with controlling it.

Sidebar: Those that suffer from InOVoCoS will find relief in participating in Mimi Lenox's Dating Comeback Challenge. It is a PG-Rated contest, but it sure is a lot of fun to let those Bachelor's have it.

Then through a spark of inspiration, or a tad too much baked beans from the buffet, Ann 'n' Ominus came to mind, where I would take some of these quotes that I hear and place them in a cartoon.
The quote, always by character Ann, will be zinged by Ominus's Inside Voice (thought balloon), or Inside and Outside voice (speech balloon) simultaneously. As time goes on with this cartoon, and I create more, you will notice that the contents of the Inside/Outside Voice Balloons will appear to be in the wrong places. This is InOVoCoS in full and unfettered form.
Any InOVoCoS Suffers out there in the Blogoshpere?
Need a place to let it out (so to speak).
Well I have just the Rx you'll need.
Just copy either cartoon jpg of your choice, load it up in any graphic program, add a quote then let you're InOVoCoS go free. (Please leave the copywrite and originating URL on the graffic in tact so that other sufferers will know where to get their prescriptions filled. We all need to help each other with this syndrome.

Ann 'n' Ominus showing 'Controlled' InOVoCoS

Ann 'n' Ominus showing 'Uncontrolled' InOVoCoS
This post is condoning and approving prescriptions for InOVoCuS being pilfered through WTIT's Sunday Stealing's. If you do 'join' Bud Weiser's 'Thieves Guild', please stop into WTIT: Tape Radio to give the Heads Up! Besides, Bud Weiser's Thieves Guild is free to join.
And don't forget your Peace Globes. June 6th is just around that corner.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Six Word Story Meme

I love these things, I do

Six Word Short Stories...They Rock

Can I write some? I'll try.

Let's see...Uhmm...Here we go.

"Usual Friday"
Cocktails. Four empty beer. Stagger home.

"Match Made In Heaven"
There's only one. I have her.

Many, many choices,
I want not.

"Love And A Giggle"
Canadian Version,

(For those of you that don't know, Lola is my wife. That's why I didn't spell the real Canadian version of Laugh Out Loud, which would be LOL-eh)

"A Yarn Not So Far From The Truth"
Four Italians Camping?
Three return home.

"Luck As Usual"
Day Late.
Dollar Short.
Not hungry.

"For Untimely Play"
Tickle, tickle, tickle.

"Rude Awakening"
Gorgeous Date.
Visa's Maxed,

"An IM'ers Sixer"

Happiness is...Well? It just is.

"Good Karma"
Happiness? Patience. It finds you.

By George?
No! It's BYE George!

"And An IM'ers Sixer Adieu"

Friday, April 13, 2007

See It 'n' Write It, #5 wit # 4 submissions


What is it?

See It 'n' Write it is a simple writing promp, but instead of using a word for a promp, I use three images chosen at random as the prompts, and an additional image to inspire an action, setting or mood for the story.

The following images were chosen at random using google image search. I use a random word generator for input to google.

Write a short-short story that incorporates all three images while using the fourth as an action or setting or mood for the story.

When completed, just comment or email me a link to the story and I will add it as a post for

See It 'n' Write It

And a final action, mood, or setting

Have fun--that's all it's meant for!

Episode Three used the following picture promts
And Bud Weiser from Wtit wrote a hilarious story entitled
Tiny and the Oak Tree.

Let me know when you post it and I'll link back to the story.
There is no Deadline for these stories just click on the labels to follow
any episode. I will accept any story for any episode and link it in.

Check My art site for Read It 'n' Sketch It
A new creative prompting exercise for drawing
The word prompts will be based on the word prompts that I googled these pictures for this round of See It 'n' Write It

Don't forget about Mimi's Blogblast for Peace on June 6, 2007

Get your Peace Globes here, and have them signed and up for

Dona Nobis Pacem in the Blogoshpere

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Monday, April 09, 2007

Foxxfyrre's Best 9 'n' 6 Worst

Welcome to Foxxfyrre's Best 9 'n' 6 Worst, where I'll post my Top Best Nine List followed by the Top Six Worst List.

It is where I'll post 9 things that I do like about something, and 6 things that I don't.
A Rose as beautiful and sweet smelling as it is, but it still has pricks that freakin hurt.
I know because I used to wrap hundreds of them every weekend for sale in bars that I ran.
And, unlike the Rose with it's thorns, I'll try to poke a little fun at the the reasons I like and dislike something.
So for my first "prelist" is simply why I chose a 9 and a 6 for this theme.
Update: I posted this yesterday, April 10, but Lance from Solitary Views has already completed his list and it is hilarious. You can read it here.

Why only nine for the best list?

1. Top Ten List has been taken for years by that 'Other' Grandfather on late night TV

2. Nine is part of my full internet handle, ie "Foxxfyrre 9"

3. It is one digit in my favorite two digit number. Hint: That two digit number is 'one-eight-one' in metric.

4. Sounds cool when spoken.

5. It's how many lives a cat has.

6. Coupled with a six 6pun9, they make great brackets. 6Like in this post, and you don't have to use the shift key!9

7. It's a perfect 100 in trinary 6ternary number system9.

8. It looks like a spermatazoa, therefore a very manly number.
And finally.

Drum Roll Please!

Paul, like now!

. 9. It reminds me of one of my favorite sappy jokes 6Yes, I tell it all the time--like right now!9

Did you hear about the German Lady that was being raped by ten Italian Soldiers? She kept yelling, "Nein, Nein, Nein!"

So, One left.

6Yes, I'm giggling. It's the first time I've typed out this joke9

So, why the Top Six Worst too.

1. Usually, no matter how good something is, there is something you don't like about it. Ever pick off the black olives on a pizza?

6I like black olives, I just say I don't9

2. Couples well 6pun9 with the Top Nine. tee hee.

3. In case you're wondering, 6 is 20 in trinary.

4. For every measure, there's a countermeasure.

5. It's my other favorite digit in that two digit number. Hint: What's a 77? Same as a 6that two digit number9, but you get 'eight' more.

6. It also looks like a sperm.

6You didn't think I'd leave it at a one count did you? I may be a Grandpa now,but...but.9

So, now what, you ask?

Well, I'm putting together my first Best 9 'n' 6 Worst list right now, and I'm inviting everyone who wants to play.

First topic for the post is

Top 9 reasons I'm proud to be a 6______9

Top 6 reasons I'm not so proud to be a 6_____9

In my case the 6_____9 is Canadian, but fill in the blank with anything you want, if you'd like to play along.

To clear up any confusion about Best 9 'n' 6 Worst think of making a list about one topic, with 9 good things, and 6 bad things about the topic.
For Example
I'm a night manager of a hotel, but I was also a bartender for years, so I could make a list of:
The Top 9 reasons it's great to be a 6Bartender9
The Top 6 reasons it's not so great to be a 6Bartender9
Uhmm, I think I could come up with lots for bartending.

I'd love to hear all your best and worst lists.

Don't forget, Mimi's Dona Nobis Pacem Blogblast for Peace is coming quickly, so get your peace globe, and your posts ready for June 6, 2007

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Thursday, April 05, 2007

Fun with quizzes.

I just finished having fun with some of the online quizzes and these are the results.

Quiz one: How will you be defined in the dictionary.

Frank Sirianni --


A brand of soylent green breakfast cereal

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at

Perfect! I'm defind by an alltime favorite Sci-fi story Soylent Green. With milk sugar and strawberries of course.

The Picto-Personality Test

You are a person who likes to have fun all the time.

When alone, you appreciate being able to do nothing if you want to, and setting your own pace for things.

You are romantic, and when you are with your partner you like to woo them with your imagination.

In the future you will be happy and live richly.

Take this Test at
Again, it did a very good job of describing my personality. I'm beginning to wonder if I'm just very predictable?

So I just had to create a quiz. Try it if you dare. Afterall, it's not that bad being me. Find out how Foxxfyrre you are, Click here, or the link on the quiz to play.

How Foxxfyrre Are You?

Completely Foxxfyrre-esque

There's a drive in you. You don't know for what (cuz you don't have a liscence to drive) but it's there nonetheless. You love people. You are a people person. You are the class clown (but not the disruptive version). You are not happy until everyone around you is smiling. We must be clones.
Take this quiz at

Monday, April 02, 2007

See It 'n' Write It, Episode 3 Submissions

Round 3 Participants
I'm more than a little late with the submissions post because of the events of the past week. Round 4 of See It 'n' Write it is underway also.
Just Click Here For See It 'n' Write It #4 Post

These are the Picture Pompts for round 3

And a final action, mood, or setting

Bud Weiser from Wtit Tape Radio: The Blog
wrote a story entitled The Countess and the Cruise Ship

Maggie emailed in a responce

Out In the Fog

After I had moved from the hustle of the city to the quiet coastal town of Maine, taking pills to sleep had become a normal part of my routine. I could not wait to get to bed that night, I was exausted from spending the day digging clams on the beach. But about 9 oclock at night I had just settled down in my easy chair with a warm drink, I must have drifted off because I awoke to an awful crying voice, it sounded as if he were far away yet close enough to hear, “Hurry, you must dock by 6, the fog is coming”. I could hear this voice keep repeating this statement, over and over again. I looked out my window, there was no fog. I set out to find where the voice was coming from, as it was starting to annoy me very much.

The beach was dark and quiet, so I walked in the direction of the voice, but could still see no one. The bridge was in the distance and was the only source of light for miles. The voice became louder and more insistant as I came closer. There on the top of the bridge was an old man, with a mega phone, I didn’t recoganize the old man, I thought I knew everyone who lived in these parts. I yelled to the top of the bridge, “Hey, old man, could you stop yelling.” The man just seemed to ignore me and kept right on with his plea, to dock by 6.

It was really getting on my nerves now.

I started to turn to walk back to my house, obviously I would have to call the police if I was ever to shut this old guy up. Perhaps he had gotten out of the home ! As I was just reaching my end of the beach, I started to sence a chill in the air, as I looked out on the ocean, the strangest sort of fog was starting to roll in. I thought nothing of it, as it was quite common for this area. But there was something odd here. Was it not what the old man on the bridge was yelling about. I turned to look back, but the old man was gone.

There was quiet now. I looked to the ocean once again, But saw only the tugboat that traveled these waters all the time. The fog was thicker now, and the oddest thing, I could swear the tugboat was following something ? I could not see clearly but it looked like a ship. Not a ship of our time, rather an old scooner you might see on display at a show. I thought the fog must be playing tricks on my poor tired eyes.

I quickened my pace to reach my house. I had a spotlight, I would have a better look. As I reached my deck, and plugged in my deck light, the fog got thicker. I swung my light to take a better look, something was wrong, the light would not work. I looked around, Damn dog must have pulled the cord, I plugged it back in. And to my amazment, there was the old man at the helm of the tugboat, guiding the ship away from the shore, just as it was going to beach on the rocks, and just as quickly as they came, they were gone. The fog had lifted and I saw nothing but the old tugboat under the bridge and silence. The old man was quiet. The scooner was gone. Then I awoke, it was just a dream, I was still in my chair. I got up to have a look. But the strangest thing, my spotlight was on.

Was it a dream ?

I went to my cabinet and looked at my pills, should I take them I thought.

Mabey not.

And a final submition by
Frank Sirianni
Put down that stethescope Frank!
A play in one Miraculous act

2:00 am Wednesday morning. Frank at work, Lola at home.
Lola (on the phone): Frank, I think maybe today might be the day.
Frank : Well, I hope so, nearly five days overdue is nearly enough, don't you think.
Lola: Yeah, but you know how unpredictable first babys are.
Frank: I guess so, but still...
Lola: I'll be down in about an hour. Make sure you have some fresh coffee on.
Frank: Okay. Oh! Stop by and grab some smokes on your way in. I couldn't get some before Shopper's Drugmart closed.
Lola: Okay, bye.

3:20 am Wednesday morning at the Hotel
Lola: Hi, did you put on the coffee?
Frank: Yes, I put on a fresh one in the lounge. I'll be there in a minute.
Lola: Good. I need it. I think it's going to be a long day.

In the Lounge
Frank: Well, how's Jodi? Is she...
Lola: Yes, she's been in light labour since you came to work tonight.
Frank: Well, why didn't you just let me know. I could have got one of the boys to fill in.
Lola: It's okay. Right now she thinks it's just gas pains.
Frank: But it's not gas pains is it?
Lola: No. I really think she's in labour, but the contractions are so irregular and far apart.
Frank: Maybe you should go back, I can still...
Lola: No, it's alright...Stop worrying. I told Jodi to phone here if anything changes. Besisdes, if I help get finished quicker we can both go and take her to the hospital.
Frank: I kind of thought she'd start today so I got a lot done before you got here too.
Lola: Good. Let's finish our coffee and get busy.
Frank: Is she in pain?
Lola: No, she's just a little uncomfortable right now, but I don't think we have that much time before she does phone.
Frank: Okay, let's really move it then. What I started, we should be able to get out of here by six am.

4:20 am
Desk clerk (on pager): Frank, you have a phone call from your daughter. Where would you like it transfered.
Frank: Transfer it to the Dining room. It's the closest phone.
Desk Clerk: Do you think that the baby's coming?
Frank: I think this just might be the call. Thanks Heather, I'll let you know.
Frank (on the phone): Hi Jodi, do you think it's time.
Jodi: I don't know Dad, but Mom said to phone if I started to feel worse.

Frank: Okay, I'll tell her. Have you phoned George at all?
Jodi: Not yet?
Frank: Well phone him now because he can get there faster than Mom. Mom will leave right away and all of you can go up to the hospital together.
Jodi: Okay, but I think I just need some Beano, or gas pills or something.
Frank (giggling): No Jodi. It will be a while before you call the baby a little fart, but I don't think you need gas pills, I think you need to go to the hospital. Mom will meet you shortly, but call George.
Lola (now in the dining room): Was that Jodi?
Frank: Yes, and I think you better get going home. I told her to phone George and he can take you both up to the hospital.
Lola: So, it's time then?

Frank: Yeah, I'm pretty sure it is, but she still thinks it's just gas pains though.
Lola (Laughing): She'll know it's not gas soon enough.
Frank: She sure will. You'd better go. I'll meet you at the hospital as soon as I finish up here. It should only take me another hour or so.
Lola: Okay. I'll phone you as soon as I have some information at the hospital.
Frank: Okay, but hurry.

5:35 am
Lola (on the phone): Hi, we just saw the doctor and Jodi has been checked in. She's 4 centimeters and her contractions are about 8 minutes apart.
Frank: Oh good. So she's really on her way.
Lola: Yes, and she doesn't think its gas pains anymore. How much longer do you think you'll be?

Frank:I should be only about another 45 minutes or so, then I'll come right up.
Lola: Good. I'll see you when you get here.

6:20 am
Frank(on the pager): Heather, could you phone me a cab. I'm just about done for the night and I'm going to head right up to the hospital.
Desk Clerk: Okay Frank. And you'd better phone us when the baby comes. We all want to know.

Frank: I will. And thanks Heather.

6:40 At the hospital
Frank: Could you tell me which room my daughter, Jodi Sirianni is in. She was just admitted to maternity.
Admitting Clerk: Yes, she is in L.D.5, That room is on the second floor to your left off the elevator. It is a secure wing, so you'll have to use the direct phone at the wing entrance to be buzzed in.

Frank: Thank you.

Frank (on direct phone): Hi, I'm Jodi Sirianni's father, could I be let in?
Attendant:Right away, just listend for the door buzz. Jodi's room is on the right, second from the end of the hall.
Jodi, Lola, George (in unison):Hi Dad. Good you made it earlier than I thought.
Frank: Hi everyone. How are you feeling Jo.
Jodi: Not too bad. A little sore but they gave me a little shot of phoremine a mew finutes ago, so I'm geeling fetty prood.

Frank: A little too good by the sound of it.
Lola: The nurse came in just before you arrived. Jodi's now six centimeters, and the contractions are about 3 minutes apart.
Frank: Great. We're way underway then. Baby might be here by noon, at this rate.
Lola: The Doctor was in, but she won't be here to deliver the baby. She got an emergency page and now she's on the plane to Edmonton.
Frank: No problem. I'll be right back.
Lola: Frank. What are you up to in the bathroom.
Frank: Nuthin Honey, I'll be right out
Lola: Frank, I know you're up to something.
Frank (emerging from bathroom): There. No doctor, but we can still go on with the delivery.
Lola: Frank! Take off those scrubs, and put down that stethescope.
Frank: But Lola, I've helped deliver our neice, Jason, Jodi and not to mention two litters of cats, one litter of dogs, and my uncles colt. I know I can do this.
Lola: I said Jodi's doctor had to leave, there is a doctor that the nurses have on call for Jodi. Now take that off before you get into trouble.
Nurse Cathy: Too late. Doctor Dad, I think you'd better listen to your wife. You're more than welcome to help, but there will be a Doctor attending the delivery.
Frank:Can I still wear the stethescope? I know how, and the sphegmomenometer I can check Jodi's blood pressure, and I can check.....
Nurse Cathy: No, we'll be just fine. You just be here for Jodi.
Frank (baby monitor now beeping):Okay. Oh look, the baby's monitor is out of graph paper.

Frank (under breath):And you don't need my help, right.
Lola(under breath to Frank):Frank, I heard that now get serious. Jodi's still got a long way to go yet.
Frank: I know, but you know how I love hopsitals.

9:25 am
Nurse Cathy:We're going to add another IV to increase your contractions. You have slowed down a little. How are you feeling?
Jodi: I'm starting to feel more pressure, even with the epidural. Is that normal?
Nurse Cathy: Yes, your contractions are getting a little stronger. This will just speed things up quite a bit. That is okay, is it not Doctor Dad?
Frank (giggling): Yes, that's fine. Are you starting the Ringers at 12ml increasing every ten minutes?
Nurse Cathy (giggling as well): You are an old pro. Yes, and increasing by 12ml every ten minutes.
Frank: Yes, but watch who you call old. I'm not a Grandpa yet.

11:40 am
Frank:I'm going down to the giftshop to get a drink, anyone want anything.
Jodi (in mid contraction): YESSSS, Cannn I HAVE an ICCCeeeeDD TEaaa, and another shot of morphine if they have it.
Frank: No baby, they won't give you another shot. It's getting a little too close.
Jodi:Darn, I knewwww you were goinggg to sssayyy thattt.
Frank: Anyone else, No. Okay then, I'll be right back.
Lola: Make sure you are. I know you in hospitals...And stay out of Emergency. Remember the last time.
Frank: Yes, but that securtiy guard was rude.
Lola: Give it up Frank.

12:25 pm
Lola: Frank get up here and help Jodi. I'm not strong enough to lift her. You went to Emergency didn't you?
Frank:Uhmmm. No. Jodi's bearing down now?
Jodi:Yyyyeeeeeesssssss, Help Moooommmmmm.
Frank: Okay. You holding out too George?
George: Yes, I'm fine.

12:55 pm
Nurse Cathy: You're doing great Jodi. It won't be long now.
Ward Nurse: Yes you're doing great. Nurse, buzz me when Jodi's ready and I'll page the doctor. He's phoned and is on the floor doing rounds, so he will just be minutes to get here.
Nurse Cathy:I will.

1:35 pm
Frank: Jodi you're doing great baby. I don't think it will be long now. Just a few more pushes. Is the baby crowning nurse?
Nurse Cathy: No, right now the baby's doing the turtle, but you're right it wont be long. I'm going to page the Ward Nurse to get the Doctor.
Jodi: Hurry. Here comes another one.

Doctor Ahmed: Hello, I'm Doctor Ahmed. You're just about ready Jodi.
Frank:Almost too late doctor.
Doctor Ahmed: No, just in time. The Nurses have kept me updated on Jodi's progress with the labor, and everthing else Doctor Dad.
Frank: Oh.

1:54 pm
Doctor Ahmed: Congradulations Jodi and George. It's a baby Girl. Would you like to cut the chord George.
George:No, but I think Frank would like to.
Frank: Are you sure George? It's your baby.
George: I'm sure. I love you to have the honors.
Frank:Thank's George.
Doctor Ahmed: It's this chord here Doctor Granddad. Don't be cutting any power chords or anything.
Frank:Good one Doctor, but I think I've got it covered. Jodi, George, have you thought of names yet.
Jodi: We were mostly looking at boys names, but for a girl we were thinking of Lily, and Alice, and Sasha and a couple of others.
Frank: Lily is my oldest aunts name.
George:Alice is my Grandmother's name
Frank: I think Lily Alice sounds good.
Lola: So do I.
George:I do too.
Jodi: Then it's settled, Lily Alice it is.

Welcome Baby Lily Alice

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