Monday, March 12, 2007

A funny thing happened on the way to the coliseum

My typical Sunday fun-fest is stopping at Dating profile of the day, copying the 10 Bachelor profiles, and then thinking long and hard to find ways to steer the bachelors off. Well, then I usually answer these lines in bachelor's character as if they would try one more time to get it right and get their gal. Men usually don't take NO for an answer, but what if all the women liked what they saw (or read). Would that turn them away? So I did some research on women's profiles. What if the girls were weirder then the men? Would that turn them away in fear, or would it get a virtual rose sent to them. But then the inevitable finally happened, my computer finally crapped out. I couldn't send in my answers, I couldn't get online, I fragged and defragged, and defrocked the damn thing till all I got was a blinking cursor. Mocking me. But the downtime let me get into character, and I swear it's a journey I will never take again. To try to be the weirder gal, than the guy's profiles, led me into an almost eerie place. Thus I thought that this round could be a little too risque to enter for the contest. Bachelors profiles and responses are in red, Women's are in yellow.

1. I am a research scientist in a medically related field, who doctors on the side.

I'm a cocktail waitress, and everyone calls me Nurse. I can check your pulse and give great mouth-to-mouth. Call me. No tip required.
But I have this friend that may need your assistance.

2. I do prefer darker woman,...(ex..African American, Spanish,..etc.) Having a darker tan at min is even acceptable. Ghostly skin makes me feel like I'm dating a vampire or someone that never left her fruit cellar.

T.G. for Fake'n'Bake and Cocoa Butter. It'll only take a week to unGoth, then we can go for a wine tasting--I hope you like reds? Cabernets are my favorite--Then we can go for a moonlit walk and it wont ruin my new complextion. Why is your jugular throbbing so fast?

Renfield! Duck, I've got this one.

3. My Dog Says I Need To Get Out More

I'd listen to your dog, he's got style. After all, four legs are smarter than two. My cat says she likes dogs so I feel a genuine connection and our pets wont get into a Venus and Mars thing.
Now I know the Truth about cats and dogs.

4. Hopless Romantic Looking For Same

I'm Roman, but not the jumpy type, and I am tic tac free cuz I'm a mentos girl.

I've heard about the Happy Roman, Gladiater
(Censored by me)

5. I Am Ready to Settle Down and Get Merried.

Finally, a man that's not afraid of being commited. I'm completely certifiable and waiting for that long walk in our long white coats.
The defense Rests

6. My life has been full of trials and trumps.

Me too. Every time I'm found guilty I play bridge on co-inmate socials. Looking for a good south.

I knew that b*tch would split us up, Bergie wait!

7. Let Me Stand Next To Your Fire

You noticed my perfume, Igniter de Arsonia. It's all the rage for us professionals. Totally untraceable. After dinner we'll HIT the night club.
As long as it's a country club to dance at. I hate those young rock clubs, floors are too sticky.

I think that a virtual rose was sent?

8. I'll be the Cuckoo in your Cocoa Puffs

Then I'll be the Mickey in your Life Cereal. I'll eat anything.
Who says you'll be here for breakfast?

9. I may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I can balance my checkbook.

OOOH a numbers man that may like to spoon. You're not forking with me are you?

On second thought, I'll be in the tool shed with the

10. Looking For a Real Woman Who Knows Her Place

I'm a Real Woman alright. And as for knowing my place.. I can see you..Don't try to hide. You're behind the couch.
You're stalking me aren't you? You're stalking me? I know you are. So, may the fleas from 1000 camels infest your armpits.
Well there we have it. 9 out of 10 men on the run from women that seemed to weird even for these fellows. Only one virtual rose sent to Plenty-o-Fish?
Although, obviously not scientific, pretty impressive results?
My head hurts!

(Sorry Mimi, I just had to give this a try.)

Don't forget, Mimi has called a Full Blogblast for Peace, June 6 2007. Stop at Mimi Writes to get a Peace Globe and sign and return it to Mimi. Have all your globes up for June 6, 2007 for Dona Nobis Pacem in the Blogsphere

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