Monday, November 19, 2007

On the Lamb in Bloggingham

This is themed and continuing post of Foxxfyrre: The Fugitive of Bloggingham. See how it all began!
Post Episodes

Episode One: On the Lamb in Bloggingham

Falsely accused. Imprisoned for what seemed like eons. Tortured and beaten. Escaped the horrors of the dungeon. And now, on the lamb. A fugitive in my own land. I had heard rumors, while imprisoned, that the memes I was accused of neglecting did appear in Blogginham, but were credited to a blogger knowm simply as the 'One Legged Man'.
Framed by a fellow Blogger.
My only goal now is to clear my name by finding this One Legged Man, but it won't be easy. Queen Mimi has me listed as a fugitive and Bloggingham Public Enemy Number One.


is all I can do now.

But I'm keeping my ears to the ground, and I will find this One Legged Man. Never staying in one place too long, I'm finding that I constantly have to change my appearance for Mimi has my likeness plastered everywhere in Bloggingham.

Once an artist, family man, professional hospitality manager, and acclaimed Cheering Squad President, now on the run of my life dodging the Royal Meme Swat Team at every turn. And they're not the only ones on my tail. It seems that everywhere I turn there is this reporter that seems to be just a few steps behind me. I wasn't aware of her tailing me, until I started to find personalized sticky notes that were well hid and placed in areas that I've just recently frequented.

The notes just simply say:

Is she ally or agent? Friend or foe? Of this I'm not sure, but I will play my hand carefully, very carefully. My Bella Nonna always warned me about women in narrow skirts. She say to me, "Iffa you cannotta take a fulla steppa, anna you cannotta lifta you leg to step onna stool to reacha the bigga boiling pot for the bigga spaghetti, becaussa you dress a too tights, dhat'sa notta girl forra you."

It hasn't been that long since the big escape at the Palace, but Queen Mimi has had her swat team just reeling the escapees back in. This was the latest headline from the Bloggingham Herald:

48 out of 50 Escapees Bagged
Foxxfyrre, Bobbarama Still at Large

And at large I plan to stay. But it's the hunger that gets you in no time. A real rock-at-the-pit-of-your-stomach-even-a-Royal-dish-sounds-good type of hunger, and there's no way to get at your personal finances or the Queen will find you by tracking your spending. Oh how I miss my lovely Lola, but contacting family is out of the question. It would put them at too much risk, and I couldn't take the chance that my Cave is under surveillance. The only way to survive is to find odd jobs and have them pay you in cash under the table.

It was while I was travelling through Germany, a Bloggingham suburb, that I noticed a help wanted sign on a small Cafe called Coffee 2 Go. The sign called for a waitress, and being in the hospitality industry for many years, I thought I could disguise myself as a waitress and gain some much needed cash.

The proprietor of Coffee 2 Go was named Sanni. At first she was a little apprehensive in hiring me, I thought that she may have recognized me from all the wanted bulletins, even though I was well disguised. It was later, that I found out that she felt I may have been a little overqualified for a waitressing position--even after I had downgraded my application. After some pleading, and creating a long sob story in order to get paid straight cash, Sanni finally agreed to hire me.

I knew little of Germany, other than it being an elite region of Bloggingham mostly populated by Earls and Lords and other royal off-shoots, but I was determined to blend in. The clientèle of Coffee 2 Go was great, for the most part. Some of the older men could get a little touchy-feelly though. Getting your behind pinched once in a while was a small price to pay, and it is kinda nice to know that even at my age, I still have a pinchable butt. At least I knew my disguise was working. There was a little bit of a language barrier, but mostly people would just point to the items they wanted on the menu. Other times my sense of humor would help, and I'd tell jokes to the regulars like:

Did you hear about the German Lady being raped by ten Italian Soldiers?
She kept yelling "Nein! Nein! Nein!
So one left.

It was my repertoire of little gems like these that helped in not being discovered. People just accepted me as a cute waitress with a pinchable bum named Ruby.

One morning, during a double decalf frappacino special, I had found another note from that reporter at a table I was clearing. The note said,
Foxx, Watch MemeTV-tonight, M.P.S.
Now I was really nervous. I thought that I hadn't been discovered yet, and I thought I lost that reporter weeks ago. What could be on MemeTV that I'd need to watch? I worked the rest of my shift, waringly, and ready to dash at the first sign of being discovered. But it went incident free, and it was almost time to watch MemeTV. Luckily, Sanni was also an avid blogger, so she had already put MemeTV on and I did not have to ask to have the channel changed. About fifteen minutes into the show, there he was...

The One Legged Man accepting an award--My Award! I almost dropped my tray in mid pinch, and excused myself from the table I was serving. The MemeTV studios were not too far from here, and if I caught the #9 el train, I could get to the studio on time, for the award show was filming live. Leaving Coffee 2 Go was difficult. I knew I couldn't go back, and Sanni was very good to me. I couldn't risk being caught, for if the reporter knew where I was, who else may have figured it out.

In less than twenty minutes, I had made it to the studios of MemeTV. Disembarking from the el train, I was very careful on my approach to the studio. This was a Royal event, and I knew there had to be guards of all types around the studio. So I hid and waited. At the main entrance, I noticed a person come out of the main entrance, and I couldn't believe it....

My friend, adopted son by proxy, and dating challenge competitor had become an F.R.A. agent. What could Mimi have done to recruit him? Now I must be doubly careful, for he knows all my haunts, my Honks 'n' my Holl'rs.

Laying in wait for almost three hours near the studio, everyone had left. And there was no sign of the One Legged Man. How could he have slipped away so fast without me seeing him? There was nothing to do now, and no where to go, but keep looking....
and keep an eye out...
and an ear to the ground.........


Mimi Lenox said...

Dear Ruby,
Uh....despite your rather vivid imagination, YOU are not public enemy No.1. I have bigger fish to fry on that score. But I digress.

The Bloggingham Herald. Ha! I'm cracking up here. Who is M.P.S.?
Apparently, I've been under-utlilizing her talents. A woman in a tight (aka pencil) skirt is always at the top of her game.

OK. I was doing just fine with this little caper until I saw you dressed in an apron.
Frank, that is just scary.

I'm sure Sanni has fled the country by now.

Sir Lancecannot! LOL LOL
Has he seen this? Are you still friends? Poor Lance.

Sigh. This story wore me out. I don't know who to feel sorrier for - me, Lancecannot, the One-legged man or those customers pinching Ruby's behind. Not to mention sweet Sanni caught up in the middle of this mess.

What hath my wicked dungeon ways wrought? Please come back to the dungeon and stop this fugitive life of crime.

You're starting to worry me.

Anonymous said...

This is so off the wall. I lovah u grandmama. And your waitress look is extraordinary. Lots of fun to read Frank, though I have no idea what predictament you were responding to. One never knows with you, Frank, do one? I'll have a happy Turkey Day for you (since you don't have them.) Gale

FoxxFyrre said...

Hi Gem
Can't stay long. Once a fugitive, always a fugitive. What else could explain Mimi wanting me back in the dungeon so bad (see, above).

After escaping the dungeon and doing my own rendition of "The Shawshank Redemption" (previous post). I started thinking, "Frank, it just can't be this easy, you're a fugitive of Bloggingham now." Then I started thinking about the old tv series staring David Jannsen. Weekly thrills of a Doctor on the lamb searching for the one-armed man that killed the Doc's wife and framed him for the murder, but the Doc always kept one step ahead of the detective chasing him.
So now, I'm just bouncing through Bloggingham, taking any odd-blog-job I can. Searching for "the One Legged Man" that stole my memes, staying ahead of Sir Lancecannot--an old friend turned FRA Agent for Mimi. You'll never know where I'll turn up now, but I'm blogging these adventures as I go.

Aside--I do have to be careful what I put in these Fugitive posts. Some of the people I work with read my blog. Going to work yesterday, I kept getting some staff sneaking up behind me and pinching my butt. I guess the Chef read this post first and started a little pinch Frank's (Ruby's) behind competition. I'll get even with him for that one!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
And Gem we do have Thanksgiving, but we celebrate it in October. I guess when our pilgrims came over on the "Maple Leaf" we did celebrate it at the same time, but our pilgrims ate way too much turkey and overdosed on triptophan. That combined with the higher altitude and thinner air, the pilgrims slept right through Christmas. So the following year, they moved the date ahead to prevent sleeping in past Christmas. ggg

Mimi Lenox said...

You are invited to a party Wednesday night at Bloggingham Palace. It's about time we got into some trouble on a school night. Everyone is invited!
After the Mo Show 7:30-9:00 pm EST.
Castle Chat

Anonymous said...

Ah ha!!!! I've been looking for you escapee!! We let the bobble headed guy go, (only Queen Mimi knows for sure what favors he did to get his pardon, it involved hair curlers). I will pursue you to the end!!

FoxxFyrre said...

But you'll never know what identity I'll take up next, or what blogjob I'll end up with. Us fugitive types have to keep spry ya know!
Fast as fast can be, you'll never catch me Mwahahahahahah(did I spell the laugh right? :) )

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