Monday, March 03, 2008

If we all answered rhetorical questions, would there be less rhetoric?

interrobang Every question deserves an answer, and every answer needs to be honored by the presence of a well thought out question. We are all inquiring minds, and we all have an insatiable curiosity to find all the answers to every question. I have been inundated lately with many people emailing me with questions that they seemed to need answers for. They must think I'm a rhetorical guru of something. These questions are awe inspiring and probably do hold the key to the secret meaning of life and the universe. But my answers do not hold that key, they are just the way I see it. Enjoy.




1. Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you undress?

rhet 01 Because they are not Peeping Toms, but they will snatch a peek when they are ready.

2. If a person owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way down to the center of the earth?

No, otherwise it would be called a cone of land.




rhet 023. Why can't women put their mascara on with their mouth closed?

It's like target practice, men can't aim a bow or a gun at a target without sticking their tongue out either.

4. Why is it called alcoholics anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, "Hi, my name is Bob. I am an alcoholic"?

It's called AA because the next morning you know you went somewhere where there were lots of people, but damned if you can remember where or who the people were.

ret 035. If you mated a Bulldog with a Shitsu would you get a Bullshit?

No, but if you crossed a Cocker Spaniel with a Cougar Hound you would have a busy bar.




6. Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?

So as not to confuse the Postman when he visits *wink wink*.


7. Why is there a light in the fridge but not in the freezer?

So it's harder for the police to find the body, duh!


8. Why does mineral water that has trickled through mountains for centuries have a use by date?

To let you know when the preservatives the bottler's add to the water goes bad.


9. Why do toasters always have a setting on them which burns your toast to a horrible crisp no one would eat?

If we didn't have that setting, the Brits couldn't have scones with their tea.


ret 05 10. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?

The Wet Nurse!





11. What do people in China call their good plates?

Same thing we do 'Mother-in-law-ware'.


12. If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why cant he fix a hole in a boat?

He's a scientist, not a carpenter, geeze.

13. Why does Goofy stand on two legs when Pluto remains on fours, they're both dogs?

See question 5 above.


14. What do you call male ballerinas?

Gay.












15. Can blind people see their dreams and do they dream?

Their dreams are in Braille. It makes the sexy dreams so much fun!


16. If Wile E. Coyote has enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why doesn't he buy his dinner?

It's hunting not delivery.


17. Why is a person who handles money called a broker?

Sounds better than thief.


18. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

Hard.


19. If corn oil is made from corn and vegetable oil is made from vegetables. What is baby oil made from?

Baby corn and young veggies.


20. If a man is walking in a forest and no women is there to hear him is he still wrong?

Yes, because he's the one who made the tree fall in the first place.


21. Why is it that when someone tells you that there's billions of stars in the universe, you believe them. But if they tell you there's wet paint somewhere you have to touch it?

Stars are just too hard to reach.


22. Why do you call it an asteroid when its outside the hemisphere, yet call it hemorrhoid when its in your ass?

So you are saying there is a Preparation-A.

ret07

23. Did you ever notice that if you blow in a dogs face it goes mad, yet when you take him on a car ride he sticks his head straight out the window?

You'd be happy being blown at 60 mph, I know I wouldn't bitch.




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Any questions? No, really. I'm putting my dunce thinking cap on and am ready to answer all of your nagging, mystery of life, key to the universe, awe inspiring rhetorical questions and give you the answers that these questions have eluded. Add your questions as a comment or email me at foxxfyrre9 at gmail dot com and I will answer them for you. Once I receive a minimum of 10 questions I will post them in a feature called Foxxfyrre's Rhetorical Answers. To get the ball rolling, I'm tagging Mimi, Bud, Lizza, Linda, and Sandee to send me at least one question to answer and I dare them to tag others to get them to send me their questions to answer. I will post these answers by Tuesday every week. If you do manage to send me a question that stumps me, I will send you, or your taggee notice that you have stumped Foxxfyrre which you can proudly gloat and tease me about on your blog. Remember, these are awe inspiring rhetorical questions I'm after, not "Who was your girlfriend in highschool?"otherwise they couldn't be 'Foxxfyrre's Rhetorical Answers'.

(Hmmm, it's a backwards meme, go figure?)

Feel free to answer taggees questions yourself if you want to play along.

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TTFN?




1 comment:

Linda said...

Hmm. okay, riddle me this then Batman ...

Why is it that whenever I buy healthy fruit and vegetables they practically go bad before they can be eaten but whenever I buy preservative-laden snack foods that will last until the second coming, my teenage daughter eats them up before they've even had a chance to warm the shelf?

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