Sunday, August 19, 2007

It's working! It's working!

One full week without the internet. I've had a net presence since 1985, but wow, when, I mean-how did that little band of optic fibre become so important to me. I felt absolutely naked without it. I've been on computers for so long, but until this past year, I could live without it. I could do my work, maybe play a game or two, draw a lot with my graphic tablet, even write a program if I got the urge to play with C++. This past week has been torture. Sneaking computer time at work to check my RSS feeds and email.
At home, I got so frustrated looking at a dead ASDL modem that I decided that I'd start some computer maintenance. So, I brought up
defragmenter and ended up watching it for the whole two hours it took for all those blue and red bands to sort themselves out. I just kept thinking that all this money on my desk and all I have is an automated
deck of cards that won't even let you cheat.

My only explanation for this sense of loss has to be blogging, and the best circle of blogging buddies anyone could have. This past year, and a bit, has been wonderful. Even though work pressures and time constraints limits the amount of actual posting I do--I probably have the worlds record amount of inlops [incomplete blog posts] siting in draft---I feel like the luckiest blogger in the world for the friends that I have connected with. And for that, I thank you.


Ten Lies my Mother Told Me

Mimi Lenox tagged me with her "Ten Lies My Mother Told Me" Meme. If this meme is not completed in due time, my get out of Bloggingham Castle's Dungeon free card might expire. Join me on this trip through the ages, from the earliest 'lies' I can recall, through the teenage years, to marital advice.

1. Don't put that money in your mouth the dog peed on it.
It's one of the few lies I've used on my kids. It works even if you don't own a dog.

2. If you don't get off the counter, you won't have to worry about falling and breaking your neck. I'll do it.
I knew this just had to be a lie, because I knew mom would not let me go hungry.

3. If you don't stop it you'll go blind.
I'm almost 48, never stopped it, and I still have my 20/20's, but I'll leave the what I was supposed to stop up to your imagination.

4. Always point the head of your bed towards magnetic north, and she will never complain of having a headache.
--Googled headache-free woman, ggg. Just kidding, really. No, really!---

5. There is no Premenstrual Syndrome. PMS really stands for Pithy Male Stupidity. Men just ask a lot of really stupid questions, and do stupid things on a regular basis a few days a month. (The latter is probably true though).

6. If you are right, say so and prove it. Back up your point with facts and references. She'll understand and see your point.
You did meet Lola, didn't you Mom?

7. If you were not successful in proving that you were right, give her a foot rub and bubble bath it will help get your point across.
Nope. Definitely not. Foot rubs and bubble baths just helps women with the 'Three R-s: Re-Charge, Re-Focus, Re-Attack',
especially if a man dares bring up the subject again during bath time, AND most of us men are now too busy popping bubbles and playing hide the face cloth, THEREFORE we are now happily distracted and have completely lost our focus. Most men probably won't even remember what their point was. So men, go ahead with foot rubs and bubble baths when you have no point to prove.

8. It's okay to retry proving your point the next morning if you weren't successful the night before. She's had time to think about it and is more willing to see your point now.
I think my mother may have been related to Lady Macbeth. Hmmm? If memory serves me well, I'm sure I watched her scrubbing her hands mumbling, "Out damn'd spot! out, I say!" Hmmm?

9. It'll be worth in in the end, because make-up sex is always the best.
No matter how much fun make-up sex can be, if you follow #6, #7, and #8 a few times, make-up sex can be a really, really long wait.

10. Women forget over time, we just can't stay mad forever.
Note to Mom. After convincing me to follow your wise counsel, they sure as hell can stay mad forever.

But the one fact of life Mom didn't lie to me about

Cheering Squad Update

Date: Monday August 27
Assignment: Human Pyramid

Just kidding. I know, if you are anything like me, a human pyramid is just simply...well...absolutely out of the question. So, the president has devised another plan for Monday, August 27. And the assignment is simple, google to find a good or funny quote about writing or becoming an author. You may even have a favorite quote. Even write your own quote from your own writing (or blogging) experiences and place it as a comment on the latest post on Gale's blog on August 27th.
I bet you thought I was going to make the squad do the splits, or flips in the air, or something just as painful. As president, I won't ask any member of the squad do anything that I can't do myself. It just wouldn't be cheerleader like ya know.

Okay, Okay, Mom always said if I didn't stop it, I'd go blind for...
sitting too close to the boob-tube...What were you thinking? Shame.


Anonymous said...

So glad you're back, Frank. Great post. Just hilarious. You are really a woman's man, aren't you! By the way, I threw a line in my newest assignment, just for you, Frank. I promise that I include every person in my fan club in my book...somehow and it will be our little secret. But I started with you, Frank!!!

Mimi Lenox said...

Good to see you, Frank. You are OUT of the dungeon (for now...) Great meme and hilarious answers. I love your photos.

Your mother was a wise woman.

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