Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Response from Santa's Workshop



Response from Santa's Workshop to Mr.Lance at Solitaryviews.net

Dear Mr. Lance,

First off, thank you for your letter. This is the first year that Santa's Workshop is using google reader instead of the usual postal services for letters to Santa. Much more efficient than snail mail. I am glad that you are working hard, for you know what they say about idle hands.

You mention that you live in Saskatchewan, and that it is very cold. You would like to have the province separate and join your southern neighbours. I am afraid I do not get into politics or border disputes of any kind.  Otherwise, I would end up in political dilemmas where I would not be able to enter the country on Christmas Eve. Now where would that leave the children?

I do agree that it is very cold in the north in the winter. I am not getting any younger either. For this reason, the North Pole, aka my home, is currently being relocated to the Grand Cayman Islands. The new workshop is state of the art, and we will not suffer breakdowns and maintenance problems that result from being located in a cold climate. Try to get a plumber at 4:00 am December 25th to unthaw a frozen toilet. This is especially frustrating after all the milk and cookies I consumed the night before. Rudolph's nose (we call him Dennis)  doesn't shine as bright any more, and he is having difficulty guiding my sleigh on cold foggy nights. For this reason, starting 2011, Christmas in the Northern hemisphere will now be celebrated on July 25th. The Southern Hemisphere will remain December 25th.  That way Rudolf can guide the sleigh through the summer everywhere.  Besides, it is getting more and more difficult to reach every household in one night. I am already at a rate of 4,426 homes per minute. Don't try to take residence on both hemispheres to celebrate Christmas twice. You will be put on my naughty list for that.

Don't worry about not having a chimney, or a working fireplace -- I have my ways. Who do you think is stoking the fire on the Fireplace channel on Shaw and Bell Express?

No I have not died, and Tim Allen has not taken my place. But he is under Clause that, if anyway I cannot fulfil my duties, he will don the suit to assist me. Where do you think he got the idea of "More Power" anyway. We have to completely upgrade to meet demands every year. He still hasn't perfected the HO HO HO, yet. It comes out more like a "WHO WHO WHO", but at least he's trying.

Your next door neighbours, the lesbians that you said "I wanna watch," so they got you a Rolex. They did not misunderstand you for your watch is defective. It may not tick or keep on ticking, but it sure can take a licking.

As for wanting a Reindeer, sorry! It takes 25 years just to train one for the flight. I made the mistake many, many years ago and granted a young boy a trained Reindeer. For a while, everything was quite fine. One very cold day, the boy decided to take the Reindeer out for a test drive. He was not aware of the speed that they can achieve. How else do you think we can cover the globe in one evening? Needless to say, the boy froze solid while riding the Reindeer, for he wasn't prepared for the chilling cold at those speeds. From that moment on, Christmas was changed forever. Every year, in remembrance of the little boy all you have to do is look out your window. Those little designs that form from the cold are him. His name was Jack, and has since become know as Jack Frost.

As for your last request for the naughty girl list. Again, I'm sorry. There is a reason why I give all the naughty ones a clinker of coal, for a piece of coal is really a diamond in the rough. This provides incentive for the naughty ones to become all they can be. Then I hire them.



Who do you think Santa's Elves are? Without the Elves, Santa's workshop could not operate. And as you can see by the new uniforms, it's another reason I am relocating to the Grand Caymans.

Thanks for your blog letter Mr. Lance
Sincerly,
Kris Kringle.
HO HO HO






 

Monday, December 13, 2010

Absolutely no reason!!

There is absolutely no reason for this post.

I didn't plan, and I didn't have a creative brain cramp to compel me to write this.

I didn't even find anything funny that I was taunted by to share with the whole world.

This is simply a


Really!

It is dedicated to all of my favourite bloggers that are still out there pumping their stuff every day. I read all of it every day. All of you brighten up my day, even the cloudy ones. I'm not going to provide a list of who these bloggers are, I am sure that my side bar, and sponsor list says everything.

That being said, there are a few bloggers that are not going to get away without some mention.

Mimi:
You are an inspiration and a force. You are a real friend, even though we have never met. Many, many of your posts, and the quest for a peaceful world, have left me speechless, in awe, in giggles, and most importantly thinking. You have opened your heart to the world, and I feel privileged just because.

Bud:
You crack me up. I look forward for the the beep of the gmail reader signalling a new post from WTIT. Again, we have never met, but I fell that there is a friendship developed by the bloggosphere universe that goes deeper than most long time face-to-face friendships. You have opened your heart and struggles to the world, but you have also dropped an email, just to say "Hi" or "Happy Birthday" and most importantly--included.

Sandee:
You are one of the most special bloggers. I enjoy a good laugh, and that is what you share. You accept input, and "Hat tip" and hug anyone that participates, responds, or even  comments off topic. I look forward for every giggle that you post.

Lisa:
Thank you for sharing. You are a beautiful writer, articulate, witty, and like a good beer once in a while. You opened up your life, moments, achievements, wit, and heart for all of us to read and feel.

Lance:
A good friend, lots of fun, and we still have to do the critic--I think that will be fun to do.

All I really want to say is

Merry Christmas


TTFN
 



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