Happy Hypotheticals
Happy Hypotheticals
Who Wrote What?
Every now and then, it’s nice to set the lesson plans aside, slide a drink across the bar, and ask a question that doesn’t need to exist.
Happy Hypotheticals is exactly that.
Each post contains a small handful of hypothetical questions.
Each question has three serious answers.
One written by a human (me). One written by ChatGTP. One written by Gemini
No labels. No hints.
Just thought, phrasing, and instinct.
If you feel like guessing which one was human wrtten leave your guess in the comments.
If not, you can just enjoy the answers and move on with your day slightly more amused, or thoughtful than before.
Reveals of who wrote what come in the next post.
🍸 Hypothetical One
If you could permanently remove one small, everyday annoyance from human life (nothing dramatic, nothing heroic), what would it be, and why that one?
Answer A
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| Windows 11 in thinking mode |
Unnecessary waiting that pretends to be meaningful.
Elevators that pause on floors nobody requested.
Loading bars that reach 99% and then reconsider their life choices.
Customer service calls where you are assured your time is important while being gently proven wrong.
This type of waiting doesn’t build patience. It builds suspicion.
Suspicion that nothing is actually happening behind the scenes.
Suspicion that the pause exists solely so a system can feel powerful.
If waiting had intention, it would feel different.
But most of it is just theater.
Bad theater.
Answer B
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| You're in good hands with.. |
Advertising. Not all of it. Just the scammy species.
The kind that pretends to care while quietly threatening you.
“If you’ve been affected by Triskaeidekaphobia, you may be entitled to compensation, but only if you act before Friday, February 13.”
Or the miracle cures.
“If you suffer from This or That, try Doctor-Approved ItWillStopItNow.”
Some people have experienced rare side effects, such as growing a post-anal tail, weeping rash, intrusive thoughts of Whoopi Goldberg mud-wrestling, or certain death. Not certain certain. Mostly certain.
Stop taking and consult your doctor, who will nod gravely and alter your dosage while not making eye contact.
And the apex predator:
Any Aflac commercial.
I hate that goose.
Answer C
The adhesive residue from price stickers.
It’s a specific kind of betrayal. You buy a new book or a nice ceramic mug. You peel the tag slowly, holding your breath, hoping for a clean break. And then it rips.
Now you own a sticky, fuzzy patch of paper that will gather lint and dust until the heat death of the universe. You scrape at it with a fingernail. You try hot water. You try swearing. It doesn't matter.
The sticker has bonded with the item on a molecular level.
We have self-driving cars and artificial hearts, but we haven’t mandated “easy-peel” glue? It feels personal.
🍸 Hypothetical Two
If animals could talk, which one would you argue with the most?
Answer A
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| That escalated quickly |
I’d like to say an owl, but I think their wise persona is just window dressing, and if it isn’t, they’d be far too stoic to participate in something as petty as an argument.
I’d also like to say a cat. Just a common house cat.
What gives them the audacity to declare themselves ruler of the home?
They ignore you when called, casually swat you as you walk by, and then refuse to give you peace in the bathroom.
That wouldn’t be an argument anyway. Just posturing.
It wouldn’t be a dog either. Too loyal. A dog would abandon its own position halfway through just to make you happy.
So the one I’d probably argue with the most would be a mule.
Stubborn as it is, at least I’d know it would hold firm on its perspective.
Answer B
It would be a crow.
Not because they’re loud. Not because they’re smart.
Because they remember.
A crow would argue like it was keeping minutes.
You wouldn’t be debating the topic at hand, you’d be relitigating something you did three winters ago involving a sandwich and a moment of weakness.
They wouldn’t raise their voice.
They’d tilt their head, wait for you to finish, then dismantle your position with a look that says, I’ve seen this behavior pattern before.
And the worst part?
You’d slowly realize they weren’t wrong.
They’d just been waiting for you to catch up.
Answer C
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| Letting nature take its course |
Squirrels.
Specifically regarding their traffic safety protocols. I cannot handle the indecision.
“Cross the road or don’t cross the road! Why are you vibrating in the middle of the lane?!” I feel like their verbal defense would be frantic and illogical.
“I forgot where I was going!” “Then go back!” “I can’t! The vibes are wrong over there now!”
It would be an exhausted, screaming match about commitment and follow-through. Every. Single. Morning.
*****Thanks for playing
Got an answer of your own?
Drop it in the comments.
The best one earns a seat at the bar next round.
Selection by a highly qualified expert panel
(me).
TTFN
Frank
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