Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Six Words for you!








When compiling my See It 'n' Write It post,
I found an article in Wired Magazines November post
entitled Very Short Stories.














The first entry was from Ernest Hemmingway
For Sale: Baby Shoes, Never Used

followed by another entry from William Shatner

Failed SAT. Lost Scholarship. Invented rocket.

There are many more in the article. Some are comical, some are very dark, some are political, and all are only six words in length. So me, being me, and wanting to play in everyone's sandbox, I thought I'd give it a try.

So here's my six-word-very-short-'witty'-stories. (Of couse, I've got to try to be witty)

Four Italians camping? Three come home.
--Frank Sirianni



Fastest gunfighter slowed. "Damn, I'm next."
--Frank Sirianni

I'll write more Six-Worders as I go, but instead of making a post out of them, I'll just place them in my sidebar under my profile. If I do end up writing a bunch of them I'll place them in their own post.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

See It 'n' Write It, First Submissions--Updated


Wow, I've already got some responce for See It 'n' Write It.
I recieved an email this morning from Maggie, a co-worker and friend with her story as an attachment to the email. Thank's Maggie. The file was entitled "It was a quiet cold night" so I'm assuming that will be the title.

It was a Quiet Cold Night
by Maggie

It was a quiet cold night, so I decided to give all the girls the night off and work the dining room myself. I really wasn’t expecting much business. The wind started to howl and the snow was blowing harder and the temperature was dropping very quickly. Just as I was setting the last table and lighting the candles, a dark shadow fell over the doorway, and for just a second you could feel a strange glow in the room.

There stood a small man dressed in the oddest outfit I’d seen in a long time; an old pair of hip wader rain gear covered an old blue wool sweater, with and old tattered leather coat that went right to the floor. His mussed long hair was covered with an old yellow sow-western hat that was somewhat well used. I approached the strange little man and asked him if he’d like a table. Strangely enough, I felt sorry for the old guy, he looked like one of those old dogs that live in alleys and eat out of garbage cans. “A mutt of sorts,” I thought.

He politely said he would love a table near the fireplace if I had one, “I’m cold and tired and I’ve come a long way with nothing to eat,” he added.

I was kind of worried about him paying his bill, but I thought to myself, "Oh well, it’s cold and no one else is around, if nothing else he should be entertaining." I sat him at the table close to the fire and gave him a menu. “Would your care for a drink after your long trip,” I inquired.

“If you have a hot rum by chance, I would be eternally grateful Ma'am,” he said. So off to the lounge I went to see what we had in stock. The bartender was not busy. He had no one around either, because of the storm that was brewing, so I told him to give me a hot buttered rum in a tall cup.

“You have a customer? How do you manage to get them even in this storm?”

“It must be my charming personality,” I laughed. Then Frank and I both laughed, as he knew me all to well. Back to the dining room I went, expecting to see the old man reading his menu and ready to order, but I then saw the strangest thing! There, on the table, sat a strange little toy. It looked like a tugboat, made of plastic and metal, red and blue. The man just stared at it with a tear in his eye. So I quietly put his drink beside him, trying not to disturb him, but he must have been startled and his hand went to hide the little toy, he knocked over his wine glass and it broke as it hit the floor. “My fault”, I said, “I should have said something when I came to the table.”

He wiped his face and asked if he could order some nice hot soup, the seafood chowder would be nice with a piece of bread. “Oh good,” I thought. “Another cheap customer. No tips tonight.”

I headed into the kitchen to place his order, “Ruth, I need a bowl of soup, and I’ll get some bread, I have a cheap customer and that’s all he wants!”

“Yah of course, is there a bus tour in?” Ruth, my chef, said. She hated bus tours.

“No he’s all alone, in out of the cold. Maybe we’ll close early. When you get the soup, come have a coffee and a smoke, Frank’s all alone and we’ll have a sit.”

“I’m there,” announced Ruth.

I took the old man his soup, and again he was staring at the little toy. This time I made some noise as I approached the table so I would not to startle him. He graciously took his soup and I noticed he was finished his drink. “Another,” I asked, and he politely agreed he should have one more.

“Frank, I need another rum, when you’re not too busy,” I asked and he chuckled, as there was no one around and he was just drawing in his sketchpad as he often did. “Ruth’s coming, so grab her a coffee, and one for me and we’ll sit and wait for the old man to go.”

“Who made me the 'Coffee-bitch'? Can’t you see I’m really busy,” Frank said and laughed as he went to pour the coffees.

I took the man his drink and he sadly sat there eating his soup. I commented to Ruth and Frank that, “We’ll probably be buying this guy his supper and his drinks, cause he looks like he has no money, but it’s too cold to put anyone out.” We all agreed and carried on with our coffee and smoke.

The old man finished and stood up, he approached us with caution and asked to pay his bill, and could he borrow a smoke if we could spare one. Frank gave him a smoke and offered a light. The old man thanked him, but said he’d save the cigarette for later. I brought him his change from his bill and he thanked me again. I was thinking, “See, I was right, no money, no tips tonight.”

Out into the night he went as we all looked on, and you could see, by our expressions, we were all thinking the same thing, “Is he nuts? Going out in this weather?”

“Weird one,” I said to Ruth. “Scared of his own shadow.” I told her about the glass and the little toy boat.

“Takes all kinds and we sure get them all don’t we.” Ruth said.

We finished our coffee and decided to clean up and go home. So off to the table I went to clean. I noticed that the old man had not eaten his soup, and there in the middle of the bowl, was floating the little toy boat. Under the bowl was a note which said, “Thank You for not turning me away, although I was not dressed for your place, I needed to get warm and could not go any further without a rest.” And stapled to the note was a $1000.00 dollar bill.

To this day, I’ve never figured out who he was, but his little toy boat sits on the counter waiting for the day he comes along. We do get them all.

.............

Great job Maggie!!

(but we'll see who'll get the coffee next time)



I've also recieved another story by Bud Weiser from Wtit: the Tape Radio Blog entitled "Kissing Kin" which can be read here

Thanks so much Bud, and yes it did 'tug' at my funny bone like I knew it would!

Shortly after I posted this, I recieved an email from Gale Martin from Gem-osphy, with her completed story entitled "Why Staplers are always found on Desks--A Morality Tale"

(Sorry Gale, I tried a direct link to the post but it didn't work, I hope you don't mind that I've posted the entire story here as well)

Why Staplers are always found on Desks--A Morality Tale

For years, Mr. and Mrs. Stapler had been trying to have a baby. They were too young to be denied one of life's greatest blessings. Alas, that is the hand they appeared to have been dealt by Mother Nature.

"A hand like a foot," Mr. Stapler once remarked on their misfortunes.

Finally, following years of fertility treatments (Mr. Stapler had a clogged nozzle, so to s peak), they had a little Tot of their own.

One day the Staplers decided to go boating. Apparently a fierce gale began blowing while the Staplers were on deck.

"Hold on, Tot!" Mr. Stapler cried. "Staple yourself to the starboard side, son!"

But the little Tot c ould only staple when his mom or dad tapped him on the head. He wasn't big enough or strong enough to staple himself into a hard wood. As he tried to press his little Tot-teeth into the bow, a huge gust of wind blew him overboard.

Poor Tot! He couldn't swim. His parents never took him to the YMCA for lessons like the Tape Dispensers. The Staplers could only watch as their little guy sank to the bottom of the water cooler where all the office supplies enjoyed water sports after hours.

It was the first and the last time that a water cooler was the topic of conversation around the water cooler. Because the Staplers and the Tape Dispensers gave up the water sports and resigned themselves to desk jobs.

And for the rest of their careers, all the Staplers' friends were mum on the subject and would have rather walked on broken glass than say something indelicate about their dearly departed Tot.

What's the moral of our story? If you lead a Tot to the water cooler, you better teach him how to swim.

................



See It 'n' Write It
Just write a small short story that includes the following four images in the story.
Three pictures of things, and an action.



These are the three images of 'tangible' things, I've selected for this round


And now an action

Thanks everyone who is participating in this round of See It 'n' Write It
I welcome anyone who wants to play with a creative writing diversion.
(Foxxfyrre style, that is!)

Monday, January 29, 2007

Comeback Challenge #12



Yes it's Mimi's Comeback Challenge time again, and Mimi has put an all out call for best commedians in the Blogsphere to try out and test their wit.
Just respond to the Bachelor's profiles listed below and email your responces to Mimi at mimiwrites2005(at)yahoo(dot)com. Please respect Mimi's rules on profanity and inappropriate material for the comebacks. Good luck to all who do participate, it really is a blast to do.

As in my other Comeback challenge posts, I put the bachelor's profiles in red, and my Comebacks in yellow. I also play the bachelor and add an additional reply to my comeback lines, in red. There is also a surprise guest appearance whose responce will be in blue.













1. My best assets are my open mindedness and my belief that everyone is essentially good at heart. Luckily, I have no faults but I do sweat a lot when I dance.

Let me do the math: 'best assets'=no future, + 'no faults'=liar, + 'sweat a lot when I dance'=guilty conscience, therefore just waltz your little tukkas home before I phone the IRS. Don't slip in that pud....Too late.

I wanted a date not an audit!



2. I dont really know what the problem is. I tried the nice guy approach - that hasn't worked. I tried the treat you like dirt approach - that hasn't worked. I tried doing the whole ignoring you thing - that hasn't worked. I watched the movie What Women Want and you apparently still don't get it.

Have you tried the Alien approach and just wait patiently until SETI detects your transmission?





But you were looking at my crotch weren't you? You're doing it again.






3. Hanky Seeks Panky!

Charmin found Ass


You're gettin the right idea.







4. I'm in the dark. Are U afraid of the dark?

I guess the money I spent on this taser was a good investment.

Ooh, and you brought toys too!







5. I am quite accomplished. I invented an equation to measure happiness that multiplies the acres of your land and the number of your trees.

And which tree are you hiding behind, I've seen Deliverance!

Damn city-slickers



6. hi my name is frank and i've been lost for seven years. i lost my love seven years ago and i am thinking that its been time to look for a new love.
Oh thank God you woke me up Lola. I was having this nightmare that I was lost for many years on a deserted island without you, and I was looking....Nevermind

Lola: And I bet she had a nice pair of coconuts too. She did, didn't she....Frank...Wake up!!!




7. Someone Who Is Going To Get Lucky. I'm a leo, a tiger, and was born on the cusp of the 186th and 187th day of the Mayan calendar, which is a death day #4 and a deer day.

And I am a Wicca and this is a pentacle, and this is a cauldron, a little eye of newt, a dash of spider silk, and some snake saliva, and Poof!, you should gracefully disappear.



(Hmm, where did bachelor #7 go? They always have something to say.Eerie!)





8. At first, I wasn't too keen on trying to meet someone this way then I figured this might be a really good way at meeting someone.

And the winner is...Envelope Please...Your first thought. I'm sorry contestant #8 you should have gone with your first thought.

Can I buy a vowel?




9. Looking for a female who shows interest. If any of this interests you drop me a massage!!!

Were you talking to me? You were, you were talking to me.

Well, I peaked someones interest!







10. I would hope the person I could hopefully be with, would be open and honest about herself as I would hopefully be about myself.

Sorry. Mother Teresa died. Even if she didn't, you still wouldn't get any.

So, you're sayin I'll get none...Oh, I get it.



(Subliminal picture alert: Look again at the picure above of the man's profile. Tilt your head to the right. Now how honest is he?)

BONUS BooBoo: My ideal dream date and I would watch spinner dolphins earn their name as your panga slam-bams over glittering seas.


Mairzy doats and dozy doats and liddle lamzy divey, A kiddley divey too, wouldn't you? Translation--Mares eat oats, and Does eat oats, and Little Lambs eat ivy, a Kid'll eat ivy too, wouldn't you. See how easy it is to get your point across when you dont speak jibberish.

Momma sees no bams or slams or thank-you ma'ams and my spinner dolphin aint gettin named tonight.


I have to say that this was a fun challenge, but Mimi was right in her post that these were some bizarre profiles. Bizzare led to probably a little more risque in my responces. I know because I got bleeped for comeback number two (I checked, sorry Mimi), and almost got bleeped for number six too, but I'm blaming that one on Lola (I wont tell her though, because how could I possibly explain that I participate in a Dating Comeback Challenge every week--
Boy! The trouble I get myself into.)

I'll post the winners of this weeks challenge shortly
but
Congratulations to.......
Bond from Bond's Big Leather Couch
These were the big winners from last weeks challenge. Click here to see the whole
contest.

Sunday, January 28, 2007

See It 'n' Write it. Shhh, It's a Meme


When my artist friend first got me started in drawing, he would challenge my creativity by randomly making me select three words (of tangible things). He would make me write these three words down on the back of my sketch book paper that I was going to draw on. He would then make me select another word, a verb, and make me write this down as well. He then made me stare at all of these words. When he said 'now', I was supposed to flip the paper and start drawing. My drawing had to incorporate all three items that were doing the verb that I had chosen. The drawing of the things I had chosen did not have to be literal, exact renditions of the items all doing the one thing. The idea was to be more symbolic with the things, even merging them as a single entity doing the action, or the action being appearent in the drawing. For example, a chicken, a bulldozer, a chessboard as the things, and raining as the verb, now imagine a black and white checkerboarded chicken with treads of a bulldozer as its feet, and the 'chickendozer' caught in the rain with the checkerboard pattern bleeding onto the ground from the wetness of the rain.
(Sorry, I was looking for visual examples that I have drawn, but I just can't seem to locate them. When I do find some examples I will post them here, or draw some new ones.)
Since I started blogging, a few neat things have happened to me that have made blogging an enjoyable experience when it comes to writing. I found that memes can be fun to do. I found some writing challenges such as Gem's Flash Fiction were very addictive (even if I was always late, and didn't completely follow the flash guidlines). I found Mimi's Dating Profile Comeback Challenge to exercise my funny muscles in text form. These are just a few examples, but then I started thinking about those early creativity exercises and wondered if they could work in reverse. Starting with three pictures of tangible things, and a picture of an action, could a coherent short story, a flash fiction arise fom the pictures?
Well, there's no use talking about it, lets see what happens.

First, three pictures of tangible things

And now an action

Now for some guidelines, and some fun...
Using the above pictures, write a small short story that incorporates all three tangible items, and the action. The story should be no longer than 500 words. Be creative with the items. Freud said, "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar," but sometimes it isn't. A zepplin is cigar shaped, is it not?
So, just

'See it 'n' Write it'

Oh Yeah, before I forget, it's a meme!
(this once, so don't forget to tag others)
So I'm tagging myself (I've only googled the pictures at random, I haven't given any thought about a story),
Mimi Lenox (I have to do the Queen of Memes, and I'd love to see what she comes up with),
Gale Martin (I really think she'd enjoy it if she has the time.)
Lance Riley (Because I love tormenting him, and he is a good sport)
Bud Weiser (Because I know he'd 'tug' at my funny bone)
And any writer/blogger out there that just wants to have fun with a creative writing diversion.

I will post my own story with it's own heading by next Tuesday, and another set of pictures for another round on the 15th of February.
Keep looking back for the 'See it 'n' Write it' banner for future rounds. I'd like to make 'See it 'n' Write it' a regular (at least monthly) feature.
Have fun--that's all it's meant for!

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

I'm supposed to be a what?

Touring through the blogsphere (as usual) I saw this little 'gem' on Gem's Gem-osophy, and thought I might give it a try for myself. Seeing that I'm not a writer, but like to play a little, I thought that if I answered the Blogthing questions it would be so far off I would have to laugh at it. Well, I'm sort of laughing only because I think it scanned my blog first (the questions are just a ruse to give Blogthings scanning time). But did they have to get the personality part right. Excuse me while I warp out to my little world and watch a new epic comic on the big screen (I'll read the book later).
You Should Be a Science Fiction Writer

Your ideas are very strange, and people often wonder what planet you're from.
And while you may have some problems being "normal," you'll have no problems writing sci-fi.
Whether it's epic films, important novels, or vivid comics...
Your own little universe could leave an important mark on the world!
What Type of Writer Should You Be?

Mimi Lenox's Dating Profile Comeback Challenge Starts Today


Yes it's Comeback Challenge time again, and Mimi has put an all out call for best commedians in the Blogsphere to try out and test their wit.
Just respond to the Bachelor's profiles listed below and email your responces to Mimi at mimiwrites2005(at)yahoo(dot)com. Please respect Mimi's rules on profanity and inappropriate material for the comebacks. Good luck to all who do participate, it really is a blast to do. I will post my comebacks and winning results in another post on Tuesday.













Again Foxxfyrre the Serf and Comeback Jousting Champion (left) is out to regain his title, and is again challenging that weasly Sir Lancecannot from Solitary Views (this time Lancecannot, take it a little easier on the macho thing you had going in your comebacks last contest). I know, beer, couches, remote controls, potato chips, hockey, big-screen TVs, and an ever increasing Molson muscle (beer induced spare tire) are all Canadian male staples, but dude!, you still go Trick-or-Treating on Halloween. So where did you get so cynical?
Now that I've probably offended all Powers of the Great Malt Beverage, and may have to spend eternity somewhere hot watching nothing but Womens Beach Volleyball, I hereby send this offering to appease the 'Malt-Powers-That-Be' and giving luck to all Canucks entering Mimi's Big Challenge.

Oh, I'm so going somewhere really hot!

Bachelor's Profiles and Snippets
1. My best assets are my open mindedness and my belief that everyone is essentially good at heart. Luckily, I have no faults but I do sweat a lot when I dance.

2. I dont really know what the problem is. I tried the nice guy approach - that hasn't worked. I tried the treat you like dirt approach - that hasn't worked. I tried doing the whole ignoring you thing - that hasn't worked. I watched the movie What Women Want and you apparently still don't get it.

3. Hanky Seeks Panky!

4. I'm in the dark. Are U afraid of the dark?

5. I am quite accomplished. I invented an equation to measure happiness that multiplies the acres of your land and the number of your trees.

6. hi my name is frank and i've been lost for seven years. i lost my love seven years ago and i am thinking that its been time to look for a new love.

7. Someone Who Is Going To Get Lucky. I'm a leo, a tiger, and was born on the cusp of the 186th and 187th day of the Mayan calendar, which is a death day #4 and a deer day.

8. At first, I wasn't too keen on trying to meet someone this way then I figured this might be a really good way at meeting someone.

9. Looking for a female who shows interest. If any of this interests you drop me a massage!!!

10. I would hope the person I could hopefully be with, would be open and honest about herself as I would hopefully be about myself.

BONUS BooBoo: My ideal dream date and I would watch spinner dolphins earn their name as your panga slam-bams over glittering seas.
(I'm so there.)

Congratulations to.......
Bond from Bond's Big Leather Couch
These were the big winners from last weeks challenge. Click here to see the whole contest.
Now that I've had time to think about it, Women's Beach Volleyball.....ouch! It's soooo getting hot in here!
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